Just For This Moment
by javajunkee
Summary: Lorelai didn't know that it was possible to love somebody when you didn't want to love them.She didn't know you could need somebody so badly when you tried so hard not to need them. Not before Luke. S7 RR
1. The Past and the Pending

Just For This Moment 

Chapter 1: The Past and The Pending

a/n; Just an idea I had after reading a certain spoiler that is fairly new. I don't know if its been done or not. Set a couple of months ahead of where we are in season seven right now. LL of course! Chris and Lorelai eloped in Martha's Vineyard, but she isn't happy. How will Luke react? Check it out.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. At all.

Spoiler alert: . If you keep up with spoilers its not anything you don't already know, just one major spoiler in the beginning, I have no info that isn't posted on the internet although I wish I did.

"I'm happy for you mom." Rory said trying to convince both herself and her mother as she sat next to her on the couch.

"Are you sure? You don't seem happy." Lorelai responded.

"Are you happy?" Rory asked her seriously.

"of Course I am babe." Lorelai told her daughter, all though not very convincingly.

"Well today was a very successful night at the Gilmore household." Rory said, she was exhausted from all that had happened in the past week. It all started when she got a call from her mother, saying in some crazy, impulsive voice that they were going to be by any minute, pack her bags and get in the car.

She wasn't sure what was going on at the time but for some reason, Rory hoped that the 'we' Lorelai was talking about was referring to her and Luke. However it did not, as Chris pulled up his car in the driveway Rory ran out to see what was going on. Lorelai announced they were taking an impromptu trip to Martha's Vineyard. Rory did not comprehend the full implications of what was going on until she was standing at an alter next to her parents, who were saying 'I do.'

What seemed so off about this? Rory questioned herself at the time. Most children would be ecstatic that their parents were finally getting married. Rory knew however who Christopher Hayden was. Something her mom seemed to be forgetting about in her post Luke-break-up state. Chris had neglected Rory most of her childhood and although he tried to make up for it in the past couple of years, he was never really a good father to her unless he wanted to get closer to Lorelai. He had let them both down so many times over the years and Lorelai seemed to have forgotten how many times he had hurt her.

Luke however, was probably the greatest father that Rory could have ever asked for. She saw what he and her mom had with each other from the very beginning and waited from one of Lorelai's boyfriends to the next until the day when her mother finally got a clue. Rory was truly hurt when Luke and her mother had broken up. She had also seen that coming but didn't think it was something they could work through. They were soul mates after all. She could tell. Rory also knew how upset her mother was about the breakup. Which is why she was shocked when she heard her parents were dating so soon after. From the minute Chris waltzed back into the Gilmore's lives Lorelai had started to hide her feelings for Luke. It was like a switch that had turned off and Rory knew this was never a good thing. Especially when she knew how much her mom loved Luke deep down, and how much she was hurting.

After their honeymoon, and upon their return to stars hallow, the town had decided on throwing them a wedding party, at their house so that they would walk into it when they got home. Rory knew Lorelai better than anyone in the world. She knew what her mom looked like when she was happy. This was not it. This scared Rory more than anything. Did she even love Chris? Rory asked herself. She doubted it. She saw what Lorelai looked like when she loved someone the second Luke Danes had entered their lives more permanently, and this did not even come close. Her father loved Lorelai. She could tell. But a one sided marriage was not going to work. Love is not something that is addictive. Lorelai wouldn't just suddenly fall for Chris after knowing him for over thirty years. People don't change. Well some people do. Just not Chris.

"You mean the Hayden household." Lorelai corrected, trying to lighten the atmosphere that had suddenly become very serious.

"Yeah." Rory said. While Lorelai had taken Chris' name, Rory had requested to keep hers. She wasn't the one marrying Chris. This decision had caused some tension between the three of them but Rory had kept her thoughts to herself.

"Where are my favorite girls?" Chris asked as he entered the living room. It didn't seem right to Rory. Chris just walking into their house. Their house. The house that Luke had helped to build. Rory couldn't help but feel guilty. She didn't know why but she did. Chris walked over and kissed Lorelai on the lips.

"I think I'm going to go to Lane's. She's having some band people over and I thought it would be cool to check it out." Rory explained, lying through her teeth.

"Ok babe. What time will you be home?" Lorelai asked

"I don't know. Later." Rory said not bothering to give any details as she left through the front door, leaving an astounded Lorelai on the other side. What had gotten into her?

Rory hurried down the street. It was cold and it looked like it was going to snow. When had Lorelai stopped caring about the snow? Rory asked herself. In trying to leave her house she had forgotten to grab her jacket and was wearing only a thin three quarter sleeved shirt. She hugged herself to keep warm as she made her way to town square.

She walked up to the dark diner and peered in, her breath leaving a fog on the cold glass of the door. She saw a light on above the stairs, and one in the storage room. Why was Luke working so late at night? She lightly tapped on the front door and Luke's head popped out of the back room. He immediately recognized the girl standing on the other side. Luke walked towards the door timidly and Rory noticed the darkness underneath his red eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept in months. He opened the door to find a shivering Rory on the other side. Luke broke the silence.

"You must be freezing, get in here." He said.

"Thanks."

"Coffee?"

"Sure." Rory answered. She had something important to say to him and these one word exchanges were not going to get her anywhere. She sat the counter. Luke switched the coffee on.

"Let me get you a sweatshirt, I'll be right back." Luke said hurrying up the stairs. He came back down not twenty seconds later holding a gray sweatshirt displaying Yale on its front in dark blue letters.

"That was moms" Rory recognized out loud, immediately regretting saying it.

"Yeah. I have a whole bunch of her stuff here I was meaning to give back to her." Luke said to her before pouring her coffee.

"So I guess you heard." Rory said as more of a question than a statement. Luke painfully nodded his response. Rory nodded back, taking a sip. This broken man before her was only a shadow of the Luke she knew. "That's actually why I'm here." Rory told him. "She's not happy." She stated simply. Luke remained unresponsive, only pain showing in his eyes. "I know it might seem like it from the outside, but I know her Luke. She's so different. She doesn't joke as much. That sparkle is gone from her eyes, she never really smiles anymore except when she thinks someone is watching. She doesn't drink coffee anymore. When she doesn't know I can here her, she cries. It's like she's a completely different person. Like a part of her died. That fun loving, immature, free, Crazy Lorelai is completely gone. She loves you. I know she does. She misses you so much, just as much as you miss her but she doesn't show it. She hides her feelings when she feels too vulnerable, but I know her. She loves you so much and she-"

"Stop." Luke interrupted her quietly. Rory looked up shocked that he would want her to stop.

"But Luke-" Rory said painfully.

"Rory, let it go. Please." Luke said. Rory nodded and looked down at her cup of coffee.

"I miss you too Luke." Rory told him. "I really wanted you to be my dad. Well officially I mean. You know I didn't take his name?" Rory asked him. Luke shook his head no. "I was never a Hayden , Luke. Not now, not ever. I'm a Danes way before I will ever be a Hayden. Maybe not biologically, or legally, but here…" She said touching her heart. "Wherever you and mom are, whatever is happening with you two, you will always be my dad." Rory told him Tears came to both their eyes.

"Thanks Rory. And you- you will always be like my daughter. You know I never wanted kids. You changed my mind. If I ever really have a kid, and they turn out to be even half the person you are…" Luke didn't need to finish. He was never good with words but Rory understood.

She got up and hugged him tightly. "I have to get home now." Rory told him. He nodded and she turned to leave. As she was closing the door behind her she turned around one more time. "bye Luke." She said.

"Bye Rory. And hey- stop in more often." He told her. She smiled before she left, hurrying back down the street.

Lorelai sat in her bedroom window staring outside as the snow began to fall. It didn't phase her. She then saw Rory hurrying up the driveway and went downstairs to meet her.

"Hey babe it's freezing out there get in side." She said pulling Rory in by her sweatshirt. Wait, Lorelai thought. That' s my sweatshirt, she immediately recognized the jelly doughnut stain beneath the L in Yale. She looked at her daughter quizzically. Rory looked back at her mom.

"Where did you get that?" Lorelai asked completely seriously with a hint of anger in her voice.

"Luke." Rory said, knowing that her mom knew anyway. She saw pain flash through Lorelai's eyes. Eyes that had seemed cold and emotionless for so long now, clearly showing how hurt she was. She didn't respond. "There was just something I had to take care of." Rory told her.

"Yeah." Lorelai said. She wasn't angry with Rory, just the reminder of Luke reminded her of how much it hurt.

"Mom I didn't want to tell you." She said. " I just needed to talk to him." Rory told her. "Is that ok? That we are talking? Because if its not…"

"No Rory. You can talk to him whenever you want. You know that." Lorelai told her daughter, immediately covering up her pain.

"Ok." Rory said.

"Just-" Lorelai stopped. Rory looked up. "Can I have it? I have been meaning to run it through the wash to get that stain out." Rory nodded and removed the sweatshirt handing it to her mom. "Ror-"

":Yeah?"

"Are you ok? Do you want to talk about something?" Lorelai asked.

"Don't worry about it." Rory said. "Night mom." Rory kissed her mom's cheek before she went into her bedroom, leaving Lorelai standing there alone. When Lorelai was sure she was by herself, pain quickly filled her eyes. She took the sweatshirt she was holding and lifted it to her face, burying her nose in it she inhaled deeply. It smelled of the diner. And Luke. Her eyes filled with tears and she climbed the stairs not letting go of the garment that reminded her so much of her past. She heard the shower running and figured Chris would be another fifteen minutes in there before she could get in. She wasn't really cold, but for some reason she slipped the sweatshirt on over her head. Lorelai laid down and hugged herself tightly. How could everything have turned out so complicated? She thought.

Fifteen minutes later Chris stepped out of the bathroom and saw his wife soundly asleep in her bed. Tomorrow he would ask her to move to Boston with him. His work was there and he was sure she would say yes. He climbed into his bed next to her. She was wearing a Yale sweatshirt that was a little oversized for her, but she still managed to look beautiful. She was so proud of Rory. He wrapped his arm protectively around her waist. She was smirking, she must be having a good dream, Chris thought to himself. Chris had no idea what she was dreaming about.

a/n: That's chapter one! Please review and let me know if you like it. I have an idea and I know exactly where this story is going, I have it all planned out but I can't tell you because that would ruin it now wouldn't it? Ok so Review please! You really inspire me to write more and I kind of need that inspiration right now. Review!!!!!!!!

Ps. The story is titled after the song As Long As Your Mine, from the musical Wicked, that will be the title of a chapter further down the road, and it will not be referring to Chris, trust me. The title of the chapter is "The Past and The Pending" which I believe is a shins song but I don't have It in front of me right now. Please let me know how you feel about this Fic, there will be massive amounts of LL interactions down the road but I have to get the story set up first so it could take time. Also every once in a while I have to fume about how angry the show is making me, and if you would like to do so as well please feel free to talk to me about it. Ok Review me! Thanks!


	2. There's Beauty in the Breakdown

Chapter 2: There's Beauty in The Breakdown 

Random rants:

I want to thank everyone for your wonderful, amazing, reviews. I love you all. I don't know where i'd be without you ! Ok i exaggerated a little. only a little. but thank you very much. You really encourage me to keep writing! Ok so here is the thing. I took like twenty minutes and wrote out responses to all of the reviews that i got. And then my computer froze up. And i never pressed the little savey button, so im very sorry. Ill do it next chapter i promise. Now to discuss some things brought up in the reviews. I wanted to say thank you to everyone. Then i wanted to say that someone mentioned that last chapter there was a sentence where i said lorelai 'didn't think it was something they could work through' and i meant to say 'couldn't' . i also wanted to say that i also hate that they are eloping, but im trying to make it happy in the end. Just workin' with what i'm getting. And someone mentioned Rory was a little OOC, and im sorry if anyone thought that but ill try to keep her in character in the upcoming chapters.

Ok so...Cinny72- i wanted to say that i agree with you and i really wanted to show lorelai's part in the pining because ever since she and chris started dating, they seem to not show her caring that much anymore and i think that she really does, so i wanted to show it. Thank you for your review, it really made me happy.and i love long reviews, so keep em coming!

and dodgerrocks said they wanted chris to die...and as much as i dislike him... i dont think that will be happening. Why? because I hate chris so much that i don't want to make him into too big a part of my fic and therefore will not grant him the honor of dying. There i said it. phew. ok but thanks for your review. it made me laugh. the end.

and...finally...avesnovuelan told me to update or die...and i didn't want to die...so i updated . enjoy!

approximately one week later Lorelai was awakened by her bed shifting underneath her. She turned over to see Chris climbing into bed.

"Did you just get home?" Lorelai asked him, her voice raspy from sleep.

"Yeah. There was a lot of traffic." Chris explained why he was so late getting back from his business trip. He was supposed to be there by midnight. She turned over and glared at the clock which told her it was five to six in the morning. "I didn't want to drive in it so I hung at the hotel a little longer, got some sleep." She nodded, accepting his response. At the same time, however, she didn't really care if he was telling her the truth. Why? Why hadn't she missed him all that much? She was too tired to ask herself questions she already knew the answer to so she sat up in bed. "I have to get to work." She informed him.

"Have you thought about what I asked you? About Boston?" Chris asked her.

"I don't know Chris. This is my town. This is my house. Rory goes to school not an hour away, I don't want to make that any further. Plus, I have work here." She told him. He nodded and took her hand.

"Well if you change your mind." Chris told her.

"Okay." She said before she slipped her hand away and went into the bathroom to get ready.

By six thirty Lorelai was roaming the streets of Stars Hallow. She needed to get some caffeine in her system, but she could not have stayed at home any longer, and showing up at the inn this early would only result in questioning and sanity checks for the rest of the week. Instead she stood outside of Weston's Bakery which didn't open for another fifteen minutes. She hadn't drank coffee lately, she didn't know why. For some reason tea was her drink of choice for the past months. It had less caffeine in it, and it was a little lacking in taste but at the same time it was comforting to her. She turned around and leaned her back against the cold glass on the door of Weston's. She glared across the street to where a light was on inside of Luke's. How quickly things had changed. She remembered not that long ago when they were just friends. Best friends. He would do anything for her. For her to be happy. She remembered how they flirted and bantered constantly. How she helped him pick out paint chips, the Santa burger, how he took her to the hospital to see her dad. He was her hero. She pictured what it would be like if they were still friends. She would burst into the diner on a caffeine hunt, he would tell her how it would kill her, she would pout, he would give in. And her day would start. How quickly things had changed.

Lorelai caught sight of Luke coming down the stairs. He walked into the diner and picked up a garbage bag from inside of the kitchen. Lorelai's body became overwhelmed with pain and longing. When had things started to change? Her heart sped up when she realized she hadn't been paying attention, and when she looked up again Luke was outside, facing her from across the street. He was frozen, holding a bag of garbage. She couldn't move, couldn't avert her eyes, think of what to do or say. He nodded slightly, emotionlessly, before continuing his way down to the garbage bin. This was too much for her. Had he lashed out at her, screamed at her, yelled about how she broke his heart, Lorelai would have been able to handle it. Anger she could handle. Not this. Not nothing. It hurt her so much to see nothing in the eyes of a man who had once showed her so much love and passion.

Lorelai quickly made her way across the street, closing the space that was separating them. She was wearing her work clothes, but her hair was pulled back into a kind of haphazard bun in the back of her head, she didn't have time to make much of it this morning. Luke looked up from the street when she was in front of him, her arms folded across her chest.

"Hi." He said to her, still cold.

"Hey." She had walked up to him, she wanted to talk to him, why couldn't she think of anything to say. Now she was the one looking at her shoes. This was hopeless, did she really think that walking over to him would solve everything that had happened between them in the past months? Did she think that his face would soften, his voice would be warm, and that they could move forward? She shook her head in defeat and slightly embarassed she turned to walk away.

"So, I heard..." Luke said, still without emotion apparent in his voice. Lorelai immediatly turned around and faced him. She searced his face for some kind of emotion, some feeling. If she knew where he stood, maybe she would be more secure with her own feelings. If he absolutely hated her, maybe she would find it in herself to move on. She tried to think of a response.

"Yeah..." Lorelai said simply. She could have said a million different things, told a million differend jokes, or asked him a million different questions. And yet none of them seemed enough to encompass what she was feeling. What she needed from him. She didn't see where this conversation was headed, and since no one was talking she contemplated turning again, but that thought was immediatly interrupted.

"Lorelai..." Luke breathed, barely above a whisper, but dripping with pain, and loss. It was only one word, and Lorelai had heard it many different times throughout her whole life, it was this one time however that it made Lorelai weak in the knees. Not in the romantic kind of way, but in a way that made her sick to her stomach. He was hurting. It was her fault. What she heard in that one word told her exactly how he was feeling. She forced herself to look into his eyes, and when she did she was shocked to find that what she saw there was an exact reflection of her own. Of what she saw in herself when she stared into the mirror after she made sure she locked securely in the bathroom every morning, the shower running in the background.

He looked like he wanted to say something, but he struggled to find the words. "Are you...happy?" He asked her softly, Luke let his emotions flow through his words. He dropped the smug, tough guy, you proposed to me, attitude he had been carrying around.

There were no words, but in that one moment she let her guard down, to the only man she had ever let her guard down to, and she looked him directly in the eyes and allowed him to see straight through her. Finally she answered him, just in case there was any doubt that made him question what he saw. "I...I have to be...I...will... be." She said to him, slowly.

"For who?" He asked her sincerely.

"For..for Rory. For Chris. For me. I have to be happy, Luke." Lorelai said, letting his name role off of her tongue. She had missed him so much.

"Do you...Love him?" Luke said, almost nonchalantly. He had to ask her, he had to know. As much as it pained him, he needed to know.

"Luke..."Lorelai pleaded with him. She looked back at him, unable to answer his question. Lorelai Gilmore, at a loss for words. Luke got his answer.

"Then why are you doing this? Why did you marry him?" Luke asked her, letting his emotions show once again.

"Please stop." Lorelai pleaded, just above a whisper. "Don't. Don't do this. Please." She begged. Luke only looked back at her. "This is too hard...I cant- I have to-" She motioned her head painfully to somewhere in the vicinity of Westons Bakery. Luke nodded back at her and they both turned and went their separate ways. Lorelai found it hard to walk, but she willed herself to do it. She crossed the street and opened the door to Weston's, which had opened five minutes ago.

When Lorelai returned from work that evening she walked into the kitched of her house. Chris, who had been preparing pizza bagels looked up upon noticing her arrival. She was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, her face was paler than usual and her eyes were dark. He walked over and put his hand on her arm, and looked at her expectantly.

"I want to move." She finally made out. She looked him in the eye for the first time. "to Boston."

a/n- review please!! The title of the chapter is Beauty in the Breakdown which of course is a line from the song Let Go by Frou Frou, and that one i am sure of because who has a name like Frou Frou? anyway its a good song and its from the soundtrack of Garden State, which i hear is a very good movie and i really plan on watching it some day...

also- don't hate me, this story will turn out happy for Luke and Lorelai, so i need you to hold on and buckle up for the ride. It is going to be fun. I promise. I just have to include a lot of the emotional components that are needed because lets face it. A lot happened between them and they have to start to work through that. Ok im done now. review me please! I promise to update soon.thank you for reading!


	3. All that you can't leave behind

a/n- ok so i just finished watching the new episode. God- it makes me soooo angry. Chris is such a total ass. He was sooo mean to her when she told him what she thought about everything, i mean come on, she was threatened by sherry? what a loser. and then when he snapped at her in the bathroom after she tried to make up when she didn't do anything wrong in the first place, i was like oh no you didn't. and what was with that whole scene where Lorelai was talking to sookie and was like Chris isn't Luke, as if it were like a good thing, which it definatly is not. She's trying to make it seem like chris is like this God and Luke is this horrible person and i know that he was a jerk in the last season, but it wasn't all his fault, it was her fault too because she didn't tell him how she was feeling, ever. So when the season started and she was talking about how angry luke made her i was like you go girl, because she had been so passive during the last season and it was good to see her have opinions and stand up for herself again. But now she's saying Chris is the better guy?? Come on, he hasn't changed and he's proved it- and now what?, she's gonna go to Paris with him? I am also upset that Luke and Lorelai have zero interactions, zero. How boring can it get? I wanted her to go into that meeting so badly so that she could at least be in the same room with him, but nope. And what is with them never showing Gigi? Its sooo weird, like you can't just pretend she is there. Ew. Ok . Gag. I hate Chris. The End.

Chapter 3: All That You Can't Leave Behind:

About two weeks later Lorelai was sitting on her bedroom floor lost in a pile of clothes. The Bangle's song in the background helped to drown out her thoughts as she sifted through the pile deciding what she needed to take with her and what she could leave behind. She picked up a tanktop and figuring that it was the end of November, she through it aside. They had decided on keeping the house in Stars Hallow, because Rory was so close to it, and because of how much the house and the town meant to Lorelai. Because of this she could keep all of her summer clothes and useless yet meaningful trinkets at the house, and they were only going to be two hours away so if for any reason Lorelai needed to come back to get them, she could.

"Mom do you plan on watching Spice World: The Movie anytime soon?" Rory asked from the other room. It was her job to pick out important movies and cds for her mom to take with her.

"Nah- I think that's more of a summertime movie." Lorelai yelled back.

"Good call." Rory yelled. Lorelai continued to work through the pile when she heard the phone ringing.

"Ror can you get that!" She yelled. Lorelai was underneath piles of clothing and even if she knew where the phone was, she wouldn't have been able to get to it.

"What!" Rory said.

"CAN YOU GET THAT!" Lorelai yelled.

"I can't- HOLD ON!" Rory came into her mom's room and saw her mom underneath a giant pile of clothes.

"What?" Rory laughed, Lorelai was laughing harder and her eyes were starting to water.

"The phone..." Lorelai struggled to make out. "It was ringing..." Rory took in the scene of her laughing mother and smiled, giggling a little. It had been so long since she had seen her mom smile. For a minute though, she could swear Lorelai was going insane.

"And..." Rory asked, confused to why it was so funny. She went over to the radio and turned down the music so she could hear Lorelai.

"And...I couldn't get to it because the clothes attacked me..." Lorelai tried to catch her breath. Rory stopped laughing and looked at her mom. What was going on? Lorelai had had fits of laughter before about absolutely nothing, but that was before everything happened. Rory was starting to get concerned. Lorelai continued to laugh and she fell backwards and laid down. "And so i called you...but you couldn't hear me..." Lorelai started to calm down when she saw Rory's serious expression. "Because of the Bangles." Lorelai finished, in a less humorous tone. Now she was only crying, a few tears escaped her eyes slowly, and Lorelai's face was filled with disbelief. She shook her head a little. "I can't believe I'm leaving this place..." Lorelai said.

"aw mom..." Rory said. She sat down on top of the clothes and collapsed next to her mom on the floor. "You'll be back. You're only moving two hours away, and you're not selling the house." Rory assured her.

"I know." Lorelai said, wiping her face off with her sleeve. "But it will be so different. I've lived here for over twenty years. I just never imagined what it would be like if I left." Lorelai went on. "I mean i love this place, i love everything about it. I've been so dependent on coming home and having it here. This whole town I mean. It's been apart of my life for so long. And I love it so much, and I am going to miss it...so much." Tears continued to escape her eyes against her will. "It's the only town i've ever loved. I mean... It's home, you know?" Rory nodded before she turned on her side and faced her mom who was still looking at the ceiling. "and I know Boston is great, and I know that it loves me, but I just don't know- I don't feel that connection between us that I feel with Stars Hallow. I don't know if I ever will- I never thought I'd be leaving it." Most people would think that what Lorelai had said were the ramblings of a crazy person, but her daughter knew that when Lorelai made the least sense, that was when what she said was the most important. Rory chose her next words carefully, figuring that somewhere in there Lorelai had stopped talking about Stars Hallow.

"Are you going to say goodbye to him?" Rory asked. Lorelai immediatly turned her head to face her daughter.

"Who?" Lorelai asked. Rory gave her mom a frustrated, knowing look. "Rory..." Lorelai warned.

"Mom..." Rory imitated. Lorelai returned her attention to the ceiling. "I think you should."

"Drop it kid." Lorelai told her.

"I know you and dad are married now and that's great, really. It's just that you guys were friends for eight years before you started dating. It wouldn't hurt to just say goodbye to him, I think you owe yourselves that much." Rory told her.

"I'm not dying Rory. I'll be back." Lorelai said, brushing off the real reason.

"How do you know? Don't you want to at least have said goodbye?" Rory pushed. Lorelai turned back to Rory, frustrated and finally giving in.

"It would be too... hard." She stated simply. Rory nodded and sat up.

"Ok." Rory said. "I should get back to the CD's and movies. You know you really should think about getting an ipod, it would definatly save you some space." Lorelai sighed happy that the subject had been changed. She too sat up and started organizing her clothes again. Rory left the room and Lorelai walked over to her closet and grabbed a shoe box that had been sitting on the back of the shelf. How was she supposed to decide what to leave in stars hallow? There were things that were easy to decide between, bikini's and shorts could obviously be left behind, to be picked up when the weather started to get warmer. But there were other things, more meaningful things, that were important no matter what the season. She took the shoe box and placed it in her pink suitcase before she started piling clothes into it.

0000

a/n- thank you for all of the reviews i got. Please, I encourage more people to review, and this is not a self esteem thing, really. It's just that i like to know where you guys are. How you like it. I really don't care i just need to know what you are thinking and help me to improve my fic. It could be anywhere from a word to a novel, i would really just like to know what you think so far. Thank you. And i will not bribe you with a chapter for more reviews, because i think that is a little mean, but i really want you to tell me if you are enjoying it or not. It encourages me to write more and better, and they really inspire me. Review!

The chapter is called All that you can't leave behind. This is from a U2 song called Walk On which is completely and utterly amazing. Sooooooo...check it out...

also- i got a review asking if there was a spoiler that Lorelai was moving to Boston, and just to clarify i have no idea- i'm pretty sure that it's not a spoiler, i just threw that in there. The only spoiler so far is just that Lorelai and Chris eloped. Beyond that i have no idea what is going to happen in the show. Ok- thanks to everyone, and i hope you enjoyed this chapter...review please...

-Javajunkieness-


	4. You Can't stay here shattered

Ok so I just found out that there is such a thing as a Lorelai/Chris fan. I had no idea. I think that my open-mindedness and normally high perception of people was clouded by my impulsive need to gag, or say the word "gag" every time his name is mentioned. example: Christopher. Gag. the end.

I don't know where that came from. Ook so I know I haven't updated in a while but that's life right? Right. I'm actually really sorry about that but I have a lot of school work which I should actually be doing right now but I was inspired so I decided to write this chapter instead. Please review me. Thanks for reading.

Chapter 4: You Can't Stay Here…With every single hope you had Shattered

(in a big country. Dashboard Confessional)

"I'm so sorry, I could try to cut out early but I don't know how well that's gonna go over with the boss, and even then I don't know how much I'll be there for." Chris told her apologetically.

"Yeah, no problem," Lorelai assured him. "Really, it's ok. I think this is something I have to do on my own anyway."

"You sure?" Chris asked her.

"Sure." Lorelai said, trying to sound convincing.

"Ok, well then I guess I will see you later then."

"Yep," Lorelai said, trying to cover the disappointment in her voice.

"Love ya." Chris said tentatively, making sure that she was really ok.

"Okay…" Lorelai said. "Bye." She hung up the phone quickly. She knew she had to mentally prepare herself for what she was about to do. "Hey Rory…" Lorelai called for her daughter.

"Yeah-" Rory answered her coming out from her room. "You ready?" She asked while she put her coat on.

"I have to be." Lorelai told her. Rory nodded understandingly and linked her arm with her mothers before they made there way out the door.

As Lorelai and Rory made their way into Patty's Dance Studio, a hush swept over the crowd of people that were sitting inside. Lorelai looked at the faces, people she had known for so long now. Babbette, Kirk, Taylor, Gypsy, Andrew, and front row center were Sookie, Jackson and their kids. They were all here. For so long they were her Friends, her neighbors, her family. Miss Patty was at the front of the room gently wiping her eyes with a tissue. Lorelai and Rory sat in the front row next to Sookie. Taylor stood up and started to speak about God knows what. Lorelai's mind was racing. How was she supposed to do this? Her thoughts, and Taylor's lecture, were interrupted by Patty blowing her nose forcefully.

"Eh hem." Taylor cleared his throat before turning back to the audience. "Now, certain people think that it is acceptable to actually go into town square after-"

"Shut up Taylor." Gypsy yelled, interrupting him. It was responded with approving remarks and nods.

"Yeah come on! We want to hear Lorelai!" Babette yelled.

"Yeah!"

Lorelai turned in her seat and looked around the room before looking back at Taylor.

"I wont be long." She told him.

Taylor turned to Patty. "Come on Taylor, let the woman speak." She said, still wiping her face. Taylor turned to the audience.

"All say Aye who would rather hear Lorelai speak than think of a way to settle the huge crisis in town square which will most likely turn into-"

"Aye!" Yelled every one, cutting him off.

"Fine. Lorelai-" Taylor said motioning to her with his hand in defeat. Lorelai stood up and straightened her skirt. She took the piece of paper she had up to the podium and she turned around and faced stars hallow. This was harder than she thought it would be. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ears before she cleared her throat.

"Wow." She said out loud, letting out a nervous laugh. "Ok." She looked at her paper.

"Citizens of Stars Hallow, I would like to start by saying that-" Lorelai was interrupted when the door to the dance studio creaked open. She looked up and made Eye contact with Luke Danes. He nodded to her and without looking away he took a seat in the back of the room. Whispers went through the studio when everyone noticed who had walked in. When it got quiet again Lorelai looked down at her piece of paper, breathed deeply, and began again.

"Citizens of Stars Hallow, I would like to start out by saying that There is no place in the world that I will ever love as much as this Town. It has been my home for so long, the place where I raised my daughter, and all of you took us into your lives, and your hearts, as if we were family." Every so often Lorelai would look up from the paper, trying to look at her audience, but for some reason the only person she could see was Luke. So every time she looked up, she found his eyes looking back at her, and in them she found a source of confidence that she didn't know she had in her.

"I love each and every one of you in your own way. This town is my life. It is my heart. It is so much a part of who I am, and I never thought I would be leaving it. But there comes a time in everyone's lives where things change, life changes, people change. And now I have to go. As most of you probably know already, I will not be selling my house. Rory will still be attending Yale and will most likely need a place to stay sometimes, and of course I will be visiting often. Also in regards to the inn, I will still be a partial owner although I have hired a very talented woman to take my place as temporary manager, she will be in charge when I am not here. This town means so much to me, and I just had to say goodbye before I left…"

By this time her face was wet with tears. "You helped raise my daughter, and you helped to raise me. I am going to miss you guys so much, your quirkiness, your charm. I love you all, from the bottom of my hearts, even you kirk…" She laughed slightly when she saw he too was crying. She looked up once more to find an empty seat where Luke had been sitting. She filled with panic as she searched the room and he was no where to be found.

"I'll be right back-" Lorelai said quickly to the room full of people before she made her way outside, clutching her jacket tightly around her.

"Mom?" Rory questioned.

"I'll be right back" Lorelai assured her before she shut the door behind her. The cold wind stung her cheeks and she turned around, looking for Luke. Where would he go? She asked herself. She saw her breath expand in front of her face, and she decided to run over to the diner, that's where he had to be.

She ran up to the front door and started to bang on the glass with the palm of her hand. All of the lights were off. She picked up a stone from the ground and threw it at the window to his apartment, but she got no response. Why would he want to talk to her anyway? She turned around in defeat and faced the square. She gasped when she saw a dark figure sitting in the gazebo, hunched over, looking at his hands. Luke Danes. She walked calmly to the steps, assuring herself that she could face him. She started to ascend the steps, and he jumped slightly when he heard her heals click against the wood of the steps. She looked into his eyes, and upon realizing how much she had missed him, she said the first thing that came to her mind.

"What the hell was that?" She said quietly, wanting an explanation.

"What was what?" Luke asked her, clueless.

"You walked out on my goodbye!" Lorelai told him pointedly, with a hint of anger.

"You were saying goodbye to the town." Luke said.

"I was saying goodbye to you!" Lorelai said almost pleadingly.

"and the rest of the town." Luke explained.

"You just walked out. We were friends, best friends, for what? Ten years? And you were just going to walk out? Let me leave with out hearing me say goodbye?" Lorelai said, not knowing where her words were coming from.

"_You_ were just going to _leave_ without _saying goodbye_?" Luke spat back at her.

"I _was_ saying goodbye!" Lorelai said, raising her voice slightly.

"To the town!" Luke said just as loudly. "You told Kirk you loved him for God sakes." Lorelai realized they weren't getting anywhere and she groaned loudly before she sat next to him on the bench. He turned to face her and she looked back at him sadly. She nudged his shoulder a little with her own.

"I'm going to miss you. I- I do miss- you." Lorelai let him know, still unable to look away from him.

"I know a lot happened-" Luke started.

"Shh." Lorelai cut him off. "not now." He nodded. She started to cry a little and he longed to wrap his arms around her and hold her until she felt better. She longed for him to do the same. Instead he just stroked her hand lightly with his thumb. It was enough. She looked up at him and was shocked that his face was wet too. "This is so hard." She told him. He nodded in agreement. She sniffled a little and tried to regain her composure. "I-um." She tried to make out, squeezing her eyes tightly to stop the crying. "I should get going." She said after she opened her eyes again. He nodded slightly, but was holding something back.

"Bye, Luke." She said, almost casually, but knowing how much meaning it had to the both of them.

"Bye Lorelai." She wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder. He was shocked at first, but then he slid his arms around her waist and squeezed her tightly. She swayed back and forth slightly, and with all the strength she had left in her, she willed herself to let him go. She had to, didn't she? She inhaled deeply through and wiping her face off, she stood to go. She turned one last time before she started to descend the steps.

"No-" Luke let out forcefully.

"What?" She asked him, confused.

"Don't- don't go." He said instructing her. She put her hand to her face.

"I have to." Lorelai said, shaking her head at him. Why was he making this so hard for her?

"Don't go." Luke said.

"Please…" She pleaded with him to stop. She had to remind herself why she was moving. Chris. She had to go. Luke wasn't keeping her here anymore. They were over. He would never forgive her for what she did. She would never forgive her for what she did. She was married. They were over.

"Lorelai-" He said, his words filled with meaning and unspoken feelings.

"I'm married Luke. To Chris." She said, watching the pain shoot through his face, and secretly hating herself. "You let me go, you let me walk away."

"_You walked away_." Luke said just above a whisper. She was silent for awhile, not wanting to fight anymore, and they shared a long stare.

"Bye Luke." She said again, with a little more finality than she had said it before. She turned around and walked away, once again.

(to the tune of grand old flag) re view review ree view re vieew review, and review oh! review me please. It is the ree viewers of this fic I love, the reviews oh reviews, in the home of the free and the brave. Every review beats true for the ree ee e view….

Ok I give up, but I get an A for effort right? Hm. it's the thought that counts.

Eh hem. I had too much caffeine today. Anyway. I'm actually pretty sick of writing sad LL scenes, but I feel like they have to get over so much before they can live happily ever after, and I have a story line to take it through, and I realize its kind of depressing but im really trying to be true to the story line and the characters, and they are both so friggen stubborn, and Lorelai is married now so….I don't know I want to make it happy, and im getting there just hang with me. If it wasn't so sad though, it would mean luke wasn't in it and I guess sad luke scenes are better than no luke scenes, a concept that the writers of the show seem to have forgotten. Ok, because really, they have to talk if they want to make up, and they have to fight, so they can move on. Whatever. Ok the end of my rant. Review now.

java junkie. Ness.


	5. So let me Slip Away

So its my fifth chapter and i believe that is some kind of anniversary or something? idont know so i decided that in my authors note instead of rambling like an idiot i would respond to some of your reviews, this won't happen everychapter but hey, i thought id give it a try so here we go...

Responses:

cinny72- thank you so much! i look forward to your reviews every chapter, im glad you are enjoying the fic, and keep reviewing!

petite quiet harrison- please trust me this fic will go in a happier direction. I am a true devoted javajunkie and do not think that this fic will go any other way

lorlukealways- thanks for the review and i know the end of the chapter was sad however i feel like they are making some progress, don't you? i don't know i feel like they have to fight first before anything can happen.

avesnovuelan- thanks for the support- i agree because i see that in a lot a fics where Lorelai and luke make up right away its kind of unrealistic, but um, im not going to wait like fifteen years for them to make up either because thats kind of depressing but, idk. thanks for your review!

Lukenlorelai637,JJsoulmatesLL,stoneylake, and MM Vermelha - thanks for your reviews, im really trying to make it happier i promise, im getting there!

hd455- thank you soooooooo much for your review! it made me really happy it was probably one of the best reviews i have ever gotten and hearing stuff like that really helps me with trusting my instincts, you are so nice and thank you for the compliment. Please keep reading and i hope you enjoy this chapter. Your review really inspired me and im very happy that you like it so far!

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Chapter 5: So Let Me Slip Away

(again dashboard confessional, Vindicated)

A little over a month had passed and Christmas was getting closer. Lorelai had made a couple friends who lived in Boston, but they were all more like acquaintances. She had started working at the Inn down the street from where Chris' apartment was. When she had first moved there Chris had told her that she did not need to get another job, she was still manager of The Dragonfly, and Chris had inherited enough money for them to live off of. Lorelai had then asked him why he still had a job, and why he had to go away on business all the time for said job, and he made a comment about how he needed to feel like 'the man' and stayed at work so that he could prove he could provide for his family on his own. Lorelai, who was slightly offended by his chauvinistic comment then said sarcastically that she was going to get a job also because she was so efficient at ironing his clothes and making his dinner that she had hours to waste away, and she wouldn't want to be bored now would she? She put on her shoes and marched across the street to the Inn she had noticed upon her arrival called the Serendipity Inn and applied for a job.

Now, Lorelai was standing behind the front desk of the Inn, and was rearranging the Shoehoppers' arrival dates on the computer per their request. From the inside, the Serendipity was slightly similar to the Dragonfly, with minor differences. The color scheme was slightly cooler, more blues and purples, and of course it was lacking the few homey touches that she had added to the Dragonfly. It was in most cases more of a small hotel than an actual inn, but she figured that the word Inn was added to attract a certain crowd of people. Occasionally she found herself getting lost on her way to the kitchen or bathrooms because she had been unconciously following the floor plan of the Dragonfly. Today was a thursday afternooon, and therefore the Lobby was almost completely empty except for a few people who were relaxing by the fire. When she had applied for the job she hadn't really thought much about the name of the place. The Serendipity Inn.

She thought about how each Inn she had worked at defined a part of her life. The Independence she had worked at when she had run away from home, and promised herself that she would give Rory the best life she could possibly have, even if she would have to do it alone. Dragonflies, she had read somewhere, symbolized having the ability to look past closemindedness that normally prevented growing and changing, and being reminded that we are light and can choose to reflect that light if we choose to do so. It symbolized a sense of self that comes with maturity. Something about The Dragonfly Inn seemed to click with Lorelai, something about reveling in the person that she had become. She was happy. Serendipity...hmmm. She thought, trying to make a connection with what this would mean for her. Her thoughts were interrupted when her cell phone started vibrating from te front desk.

"Hello" She answered it, happily after seeing the caller ID.

"Hey mom, hows the weather over there?" She asked.

"In Boston?" Lorelai asked her daughter curiously. Of all the conversations they had had, weather was usually never a topic.

"No, accross the room-" Rory said a little louder. Lorelai looked up and saw her daughter standing in the doorway of her Inn.

"Hey babe!" She yelled as she ran quickly to meet Rory in the middle of the room, closing her phone on the way over to embrace her with a hug. "I thought Logan was visiting this week?"

"Yeah well he had to cut his trip a little short" Rory told her mom a little dissapointed.

"Aw, hun..." Lorelai said rubbing Rory's shoulder as she led her over to the couches.

"It's ok, we stayed up talking all night until he had to leave for his flight this morning, i don't think we have ever talked so much, it was really great." Rory told her mother.

"Casanova's got nothing on you" She joked.

"What?" Rory asked confused.

"Nothing."

"Oook. Well what are you up to?"

"Oh you know, normal Inn stuff. So um, what are your plans for this weekend?" Lorelai sing-songed happily.

"Um I was gonna stay here with you guys, why?" Rory asked.

"Well...I have a lot of Dragonfly stuff to check up on so I was gonna hit the Hollow, wanna come with?" Lorelai asked

"Of course!" Rory said.

"Cool"

"So is dad coming?" Rory asked.

"Um...I don't know actually why don't you ask him later?" Lorelai told her daughter.

"What you haven't told him your going yet?"

"No, it hasn't really come up." She said trying to get around the uneasy feeling that had settled in her stomach.

"Mom, whats going on?"

"what do you mean, nothings going on." She said trying to sound convincing.

"why haven't you told dad? Don't you think he eventually would have noticed?"

"good question."

"Mom..."

"Rory, i was just kidding ok? I was going to tell him, it really never came up, it's not a big deal." She tried to laugh it off.

"ok..." Rory said moving on. She sensed that something was off between her parents but she could tell that Lorelai was getting annoyed so she dropped it for the time being.

"ok." Lorelai said

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"So can you?" Rory asked her dad later that night at dinner.

"I don't know I have work to catch up on." Chris said, trying to avoid Lorelai's glance.

"Come on, I wanted to hang with you guys this weekend, and I don't know when I'll have another break from school. Yale is very demanding of my time you know..." Rory went on. She put on her best pout, even if she didn't think her mom was happy with Chris it didn't mean that he wasn't her dad. She still wanted to spend time with him, but a part of her felt like it was obligation. That if she got to knowChris, she would see that really, deep down, he was a good person and he had changed, and she was somehow obliged to give him this chance.

"I'll see what I can do." Chris said unable to deny the famous Gilmore pout, but a hint of anger was underneath his word..

"Yay! I have to go call Lane" Rory said excusing herself and giving her little sister a pinch on the cheek.

Chris turned to Lorelai now, and for a second she thought she saw anger in his eyes. His face was serious, and she didn't know why he had changed so quickly.

"I guess this was your idea?" Chris asked.

"Well yeah I do still manage the Dragonfly and I haven't been back since we left. What's the big deal? Its two hours away, and Rory grew up there, she has friends there and I have friends there. It would be nice to visit" Lorelai said, acting normally trying to ignore the anger that she saw in Chris at the moment.

"But you live here now.:" Chris said.

"You don't say?" Lorelai said sarcastically.

"Why didn't you tell me about this."

"I wasn't sure if I was going."

"And now you are"

"Yes, God Chris what is this about?"

"This is about how you feel the need to visit Stars Hollow only a month after we left it. This is about how you didn't sell your house after I told you it would be a good idea. This is about how you didn't sell the Dragonfly. Its like you are waiting for this to not work out! It's like you're waiting to just pack up and leave and settle back home the second its over. We are married now Lor, it's not like it used to be. This right here, this is it forever! You can't just run when you get bored."

"Where is this coming from!" Lorelai said starting to get defensive. "And as I remember it, it was you who cut and ran the _second _I refused to marry you after Rory was born. It was _you_ who came around once every two years for Christmas. It was you who couldn't even make it to your daughter's high school graduation, where she was the validictorian. I always held that door open for you Christopher! You never took it. How dare you patronize me!" She was yelling now.

"Is this about Luke?" Chris asked in a calmer, yet vindictive voice.

"What?" Lorelai asked in complete confusion and almost repulsion at his question, not stopping for a second to think of its truth. "Ohmygod!" She said putting a hand to her head and sitting down at the table again.

"It is isn't it? Everything you just said, every time i wasn't there, he was. That is what this is about."

"No Chris, this is about you and me not-"

"That's why you want to go to stars hollow, so you two can catch up on old times? Well I'm sorry but I just won't allow that."

"You won't_ allow that_?" Lorelai asked him in disgust.

"I am so sick of constantly being compared to a man who flips burgers for a living!" Chris said in exhaustion.

"When have I ever compared you to Luke?" Lorelai asked him, purposely ignoring the latter part of his sentence, figuring it would open a whole different can of worms.

"When have you not? I see it in your face Lor, I see it in everything about you. The way you look at me when I tell you i'm going away for business, or i have to work later because of a meeting. He never would do that to you would he?" He asked relentlessly. "Well I'm sorry if I don't want to just sit and watch you walk into his arms! I'm your husband, you married ME and you are going to have to get past that fact."

"Chris you were invited to come! It was supposed to be a nice family vacation, to a place that me and rory lived in for her whole life. She loves that place just as much as i do, but you would have known that had you stopped by and visited every so often"

"You are never going to let me live that down are you! I was sixteen Lorelai, sixteen. I felt guilty about leaving the first time and I didn't want to carry that around with me the rest of my life! I made a mistake when I was sixteen, and as I remember it so did you!" He yelled.

Lorelai was at a loss for words. She looked up and saw Rory standing in the doorframe of her bedroom with a look of shame and embarassment spread across her face.

"I'm sorry- I didn't mean- Lor..." He warned as she started to march across the room to Rory.

"Pack." She told her loudly so that Chris could still hear. "We are gonna start our trip a little earlier." Chris got up and left loudly, slamming the front door behind him.

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"How could he have said that?" Rory asked after they were in the car halfway to Stars Hallow.

"Shh...babe. Don't worry about it, he was mad at me, ok? He had no right to say that about you."

"He had no right to talk to you like that mom"

"I hope Gigi's ok with the nanny." She said dropping the subject, her eyes concentrating on the dark road in front of her.

"mom..." Rory said trying to get back to the important subject.

"I mean, I couldn't just take her with us, she is Chris' daughter. But obviously I couldn't just leave her there alone and there was no way I was waiting 'till he got home." Lorelai went on.

"He's a jerk" Rory told her mom. She could tell Lorelai was upset by the fight that they had, but Lorelai hid her feelings well.

"He was just in a mood." Lorelai said.

"Don't try to cover for him mom, I'm a big girl now."

"I know but hes-"

"my father"

"Yeah"

"Wow." Rory let out as they pulled past the welcome sign.

"It looks exactly the same, does it look the same to you?"

"Exactly. Nothing's changed." Rory observed, turning to her mom.

"Nothing's changed." Lorelai repeated absentmindedly as stopped at the light in front of town square, she turned her head, catching a glimse of Luke scrubbing down the counter. She felt her heart fall into her stomach. He looked up and for a second she thought she saw hope flash through his eyes, but then it was gone. She swallowed hard. He waved at her and her lips formed a small, responding smile before he went back to cleaning the counter.

"Mom-" Rory said trying to get her attention, Lorelai struggled to pull her eyes away and turn to her daughter who motioned to the green light that was in front of them.

"Welcome home kid" She said before she put her foot to the gas.

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a/n: ok so that was chapter 5...im sorry there was minimal LL scenes but im setting up for some pretty big ones in the rest of the chapters which will be updated fairly quickly, i promise. Ok well i hope you like it and PLEASE review! pretty please with cherries on top? i actually don't like cherries but if you do it will work. ok thank you for reading and i hope you are enjoying the fic so far...

ok and i know the song line i used for the title, so let me slip away, in the song vindicated, if you know it it was more like a good thing because the line is " so turn up the corners of your lips part them and feel my fingertips trace this moment for forever. defense is paper thin just one touch and id be in too deep now to ever swim against the current so let me slip away" like they would be slipping away in the current- ok but im using it like Chris is letting Lorelai slip away cuz hes an asshole. Idk. It works in my mind.

btw, if anyone has anygood song lines i can use for titles please let me know. They should probably be relevent though. next chapter is gonna be all in stars hollow and a lot of Luke so maybe something about coming home again, or missing somehting, or just a really good line from a song that i can work with. ok review!

-javajunkieness-


	6. How Can I Go On?

Chapter 6: How can I go On?

(Queen- and I wanted to thank everyone else for there suggestions but I couldn't really fit any of them into this chapter although I am actually planning on using some for future chapters, but shout out to bellybuttonsrcool who reminded me that queen is the best band ever made so when I looked up a list of all of their song titles I realized that any questions in life can be answered with a queen song. that's my tip of the day. Ok keep those song titles coming… p.s. lyrics from this song are posted at the bottom of the chapter…enjoy. And thanks to everyone who reviewed I love you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter I'm sorry I didn't have time to respond to reviews and I thought you would rather get the update now instead of later so I posted it instead…thanks and review please….)

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The next day Lorelai was in the kitchen of the Dragonfly Inn, a place that she had missed more than she would have liked to. She was drinking a cup of coffee and Sookie was catching her up on the happenings of the past couple weeks that she had missed.

"and then Michel got out the broom…" She went on.

"No!" Lorelai said in disbelief.

"And he was like, iv you do naut oh-pen zat door I vill break my way in!" Sookie said trying to imitate his French accent.

"with a broom?" Lorelai asked, enjoying the story and yet upset that she had missed it all.

"Yeah I don't know what he was thinking but apparently the guy got scared." She continued.

"Of the broom or Michel?"

"I'm not sure, but he opened the door." Sookie said.

"and the birds were…." Lorelai said motioning with her hand, wanting to know how it ended.

"there were no birds!" Sookie laughed.

"No!"

"Apparently the guy has a hard time trying to sleep-" Sookie said.

"Well with crazy French men threatening him with brooms-" Lorelai interrupted.

"and he had one of those 'sounds of nature' machines that he brings around with him-"

"Oh my god!" Lorelai laughed picturing Michel's face. "poor guy."

"No, poor Michel" Sookie corrected.

"poor Michel?" Lorelai asked.

"Well after Michel searched the room high and low for these birds, the guy completely cracked, and he starts screaming about privacy and the purpose of doors and he totally flipped out."

"and Michel…"

"Cried." Sookie stated, unable to remain serious.

"Michel _cried_?" Lorelai asked.

"He comes into the kitchen and yells 'Zie Queet" in this loud high pitch voice and runs out the door."

"No!"

"of course he came back in the next day pretending like nothing had happened." Sookie explained.

"he _cried_?" Lorelai asked.

"well it's hard to tell with him, but his voice started to get really high, and his face was all squinted up, and there were definitely tears."

"Aww." she laughed sympathetically. "what happened to Mr. Nature Machine?"

"Oh we gave him free meals for the rest of his stay and discounted his room. Molly's decision." Sookie said, referencing the woman who Lorelai had employed to take over as manager while Lorelai was not there.

"Smart woman" Lorelai said with a hint of jealousy in her voice.

"Lorelai…." Michel called as he came into the kitchen with an annoyed voice.

"oh hey Michel..." Lorelai said trying not to laugh.

"Zum vun iz here to zee you." He said, trying to figure why she was acting so weird.

"Who?" Lorelai asked, Rory was hanging out with Lane the whole day.

"I am not your mezzenger, go zee vor yourzelve." He said continuing his way into the kitchen.

"Hey Michel?" Lorelai said trying to keep a straight face.

"Yez?" He answered annoyed.

"Do you hear something?" she said looking at the ceiling.

"no"

"It sounds like… I don't know" Lorelai snapped her fingers as if she was trying to place the sound.

"I don't hear anyzing" Michel said panicked, looking around.

"Oh wait there it is again…" She said looking around. "caaaaaw- cah caaw!" she crow'ed her best impression of a bird out of the side of her mouth. She broke out laughing when she saw his face.

"You told her!" He said pointing at Sookie, betrayed. Lorelai left the room laughing as Sookie tried to explain her self. Her laughing, and heart nearly stopped when she got to the Lobby and saw Luke waiting at the other side of the desk. She went around to meet him.

"Something funny?" He asked her curiously in a voice as close to normal as he could manage.

"Looong story." She said stretching out the word to emphasize how long it actually was.

"Oh! I- uh…" He said producing a large to-go coffee cup from behind his back and offering it to her.

"Oh, thanks." Lorelai was hesitant at first but took it gratefully and looked up at him cautiously waiting for him to talk.

"I heard you really didn't drink coffee anymore, but I figured you hadn't had it in a while so-"

"Yeah, Thanks actually I really missed this." She said before she took a sip of the heavenly liquid. He stood there awkwardly shifting and Lorelai couldn't decide if it was because he was waiting for her to say something or if he wanted to say something. "So, um what's up?"

Luke realized that this probably was just as weird for her as it was for him. "well-I just- I saw you drive by last night, and I didn't uh know if you would come in at all."

"Oh."

"Yeah but. You…you can you know. If- if you want to, I mean." He stumbled over his words.

"oh ok" She said quickly trying to get past the weirdness.

"Not that you couldn't before- I just meant that it wouldn't be weird. It would be-"

"Not weird" she cut him off, smiling a little bit.

"Right." He said.

"Like this." She motioned between them

"Yeah- I just, I know how what happened" he said emphasizing his last words "before you left last time and I- I didn't want it to be-"

"Weird." She repeated his words.

"Yeah…" He trailed off. He found himself getting lost in her eyes, he had missed her so much. But something about what was going through his head sent a pang through his heart. Too much had happened between them, he reminded himself. To much had happened since then. But she wasn't looking away.

They were interrupted when Lorelai's cell phone started playing the theme to Charlie's Angels.

"I should probably-" She said motioning to her phone with her head.

"Right." He said, before he nodded his goodbye. "So I'll see you?" He asked her.

"Yeah, I'll see you." She responded with a small smile before she picked up her phone without looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?" She answered it.

"Lor-" was all that Chris could get out before she closed her phone and putting it on the desk far away from her. She switched it to silent mode before she walked into the kitchen.

She spent the rest of the day in a haze of thought. What had just happened before? She couldn't help but question the feeling that she got in her stomach when Luke had looked at her like that. She knew that she still had feelings for him, how could she not. He was Luke, and what they had was so special. She knew that she Loved him and would probably always love him. And that had been ok when she had been so content with the fact that he hated her guts. But what she saw in his eyes was not hatred. There was sadness, and a little regret, and something, else. Something that she had longed to see for so long now that was there. Something that definitely was not hatred. And it scared her. She had tried so hard to move on from Luke, to hate him, to hate herself. She had tried to give up, and when she failed to do so she instead just shut out her feelings alltogether. Her head hurt, and she decided that not fighting with Luke was definitely a lot harder on her emotionally than fighting with Luke was. She immediately felt guilty when she saw her phone light up from across her desk, knowing that the person who was calling was definitely not Luke. "uhhh!" She groaned in frustration before she walked into her office and closed the door.

000000

a/n- yay! Ok that's chapter six everyone. Please review…and these are the lyrics from the chorus that made me want to use this as the chapter title….

How can I go on From day to day/ Who can make me strong in every way /Where can I be safe/ Where can I belong/ In this great big world of sadness/ How can I forget Those beautiful dreams that we shared /They're lost and they're nowhere to be found/ How can I go on?

If you don't like it deal with it. Queen Rocks.

(if you don't like spoilers dont read whats below)

by the way have any other spoiler junkies out there read the spoiler for 7.08? I cant frickin wait and i know that they obviously aren't promising anything but im just excited for the interaction there. because in the show its been soo00oo00oo long since they actually talked at all and this is something thats important that luke turns to her for support,aww. I hope they realize that they need eachother and cant live without eachother. november 21st everyone, hopefully the episode will make up for everything the writers have put us through this past year already. I dont know i dont want to get my hopes up, but i can't wait to see how they make Lorelai and Luke get back together on the show, and i have a feeling that it will happen eventually when they realize they are loosing fans by drawing out this christopher/lorelai thing, but i don't want to wait too long, you know?

ok review now : )

-Javajunkieness-


	7. Like We Never Loved At All

a/n: ok page breaks, now instead of the oooooooo s i was using, which i decided have no meaning whatsoever are now lalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaalalalaaaaaaaaaaaalalaaaaaaaaa so if you want in your head you can sing the lalalas from the show. Or not. whatever. Don't mock me... i heard that.

ok and responses this week wahooo...

_proffesser_- I am truly sorry to you and to everyone else who had a problem with my written french accent, and let me assure you that my spoken french accent is not so good either...haha.. his character is just more real and funny in my head when he has that stupid french accent and i just typed it how the Michel in my head was saying it to me..Im not crazy i swear...and i know it came out kind of weird and can be kind of annoying but it was only a few lines and hes not going to hold any major roles in the rest of this, i don't know if he'll even come up again it was more of an impulse thing, so you probably don't have to worry about it but im sorry. Thanks for letting me no ill tone down the accents, continue reading and thanks for the review.

avesnovuelan- thanks, i know a lot didn't happen i really just had to set up for this chapter soooo yeah. Um i just forgot everything i was going to say..o yeah thanks for the review and the song, its a good song ive heard it before and the lyrics are really relevent. I'll see where i can fit it in thanks! Im happy you like it so far!

Cinny72, yet again your review makes my day. Thank you. I really don't know what else to say. And i no i am so excited for that episode...I will be on my couch in my spongebob squarepants pajama pants with a bowl of popcorn watching that one, that means its important- i don't break out my spongebob's for just any occasion...

_i wish i was mrs danes 117_-I just reviewed your fic I'll Be seeing You but i actually just remembered something i was reading your profile and i think its soooooooooooo funny. Hahahhaha. I lOvE friends and im going to find that episode right now to watch it with hummswhilehepees. Chris is such an ass...i completely agree with you there. I would totally join your chris haters club anyday...haha lol fun. **and this is for everybody, if your ever really down, go on youtube and look up the Luke punching Chris scene, oh and just replay the part with luke punching him over and over and over and over and over and over and over...sooooooooo much fun. :)  
**

lalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaallalalalalalaaaaaaaaaalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Chapter 7: Like We Never Loved At All

(faith Hill/tim McGraw, lyrics at bottom)

It was around eight o'clock that night and while the Diner was completely empty, Luke's sign was still flipped to 'open'. The majority of the town, even Kirk who was usually at the diner for most of the day, was at an emergency town meeting taking place in Patty's that was called to investigate a new family that had moved onto Perkin's Street that Babette had sworn she overheard admitting that they were a clan of serial killers making their way down the east coast.

Lorelai had been pacing outside of the Diner for the past five minutes. She was debating whether she should go in or not, he had asked her too afterall. It wouldn't be weird, no why would it be. It's not like they hadn't been alone together since the night he tried to stop her from moving and she turned him down. She thought sarcastically. But god, that coffee. She needed coffee, and she needed a friend. Something in the way that Luke had talked to her before, told her that he was still there for her. She didn't deserve him, even as a friend. But when she looked up, she saw Luke looking at her with an amused look on his face, so deciding that it would be more embarassing to just go home she opened the door to the diner and stepped inside, the bell signaling her entrance.

"Hey." He said, still amused by her.

"Hi. So um, how long were you watching me?" She asked with a hint of humor in her voice as she made her way up to a stool at the counter.

"I wasn't _watching you_." He said. "I was just timing how long it would take you to come in."

"Ha ha." She said dryly. "I was just getting some...exercise."

"Exercise..." Luke repeated, nodding, pretending he was taking her seriously but finding it hard.

"Yes. Problem?" She asked him.as she put her purse on the counter next to her.

"Not at all." He said. "So why aren't you at the meeting?"

"well technically I don't live here anymore." She said. He nodded, looking slightly saddened but trying to brush it off. 'And frankly I couldn't think of a more awkward time to come into the diner for the first time in six months than when it was completely empty.' she thought to herself.

"Oh- Coffee?" He asked after a while, she gave him a 'duh' look and he turned around to pour her a cup which he placed in front of her.

"Ahhh..." She sighed. "I've missed you " She said talking to her cup of coffee before she took a long sip.

"So hows the Inn?" He asked her.

"New or old?" She asked.

"Both."

"Oh they are both doing really well actually, I've really missed the Dragonfly. Sookie was telling me this crazy incident that happened last month with this guy and a sound machine that made bird sounds. Long story short Michel thought that the guy had real birds in his room and threatened him with a broomstick and then the guy made Michel cry..." She said laughing a little, and he let out a chuckle as well. "I just didn't realize how much i have missed all that. that crazyness..." She trailed off, and he nodded his understanding.

Lorelai's phone started to ring again and Luke looked at her, waiting for her to pick it up. "Grrr!" She let out in frustration before she turned her phone off.

"What you don't pick up your phone anymore?" He asked her, leaning on the counter.

"Well you don't allow it." She said motioning to the sign that was on the wall behind him, trying to avoid the real reason.

"That never stopped you before." He said.

"Well now it does okay?" She said trying to change the subject.

"Are you and Rory fighting?" He asked her seriously, noticing that she was more off than what had become normal for her lately.

"No." She said. She looked up and saw him look down, realizing she had been a little harsh she decided to explain. "It was Chris."

Luke swallowed hard and looked at the ground. _Crap_. She thought. Should she have told him that? He was talking to her again, why did she have to bring up Chris?

"Oh-" Was all he got out. She had missed Luke so much and the reminder of Chris to her was a reminder of what she had lost and how she had lost it. A single tear made its way down her cheek and she fought to hide it. "Hey..." He said trying to soothe her, he put a hand on hers but at his touch she quickly took her hand away and put it on her lap. Fearing that he had taken it the wrong way she decided to explain.

"Don't- I don't deserve this." She said. "Not after everything that happened, I don't deserve this." She repeated sternly.

"Lorelai-" He said but she interrupted.

"Look at me." She said sounding disgusted with herself as she wiped her eyes with her hand. "Look how completely pathetic I am...I'm sitting here, in the diner of my ex-fiance, crying infront of him about how my life has turned out, and it's all my fault..."

"Hey-" He said softly trying to get her to calm down.

"And look at you! You're great, of course, as always. And your trying to make me feel better after how I treated you...After everything I did to you...I don't deserve you..." She said.

"It wasn't all your fault Lorelai..." He said putting his hand back on hers. "We messed up, we both did. I was a big part of that...don't blame it all on yourself...I'm always here for you..."

She looked up and caught his eye, and he squeezed her hand before he reached under the counter and produced a pack of cards. "Five card draw." He said simply before he started dealing them out.

She laughed slightly through her tears, remembering the last time they had done this. "You're on." She said repeating herself, only slightly sadder this time.

A couple of minutes later Christopher was standing outside the Diner window, watching Lorelai and Luke laugh cautiously as they played cards together in the dark diner. Lorelai threw her hands up, and he could tell that she had won when Luke turned around and poured her another cup of coffee, and she smiled gratefully accepting it. When Luke went to shuffle the Cards again, Chris couldn't take it anymore. The bell rang as he entered the diner, a little angrily and the door shut loudly behind him. Luke and Lorelai jumped at the noise and turned to see who had entered. The small smile immediatly left Lorelai's face when she saw Christopher standing in the Diner.

"Lorelai-" He said seriously, Luke excused himself silently and he went into the kitchen, not avoiding hearing their conversation.

"Chris." Lorelai said imitating his tone.

"I have been trying to reach you for two days!" He said, sounding worried.

"Well its nice to know that you could take off of work for five minutes to see if I was okay." Lorelai said dryly.

"You didn't call me. Rory didn't call me..." He went on loudly.

"Oh, are you sure that the daughter you said was the quote mistake I made when I was sixteen _unquote_ didn't call to see how your day was? maybe you just missed the CALL!" She yelled. Luke was starting to get angry from the other room, but it was not his place to say anything, not anymore, and besides Lorelai could hold her own.

"Lor- You know I didn't mean it like that, you should have answered my calls! I needed to talk to you!"

"Ok. Well we talked, are you done now?"

"No! And I refuse to have this conversation _here_."

"Fine." She said. Luke emerged from the kitchen and she gave him an apologetic, slightly embarassed smile. He nodded, understanding her. "So I'll see you tomorrow?" She asked him in a much kinder tone than she had adressed Christopher.

"Yeah...tomorrow." He said softly. She grabbed her bag and followed Christopher out the door.

lalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaalalalalaaaaaaaaaaalalalalalaaaaa

By the time they got home, the one in Stars Hollow, Lorelai was ready to explode. Christopher and her had not talked the whole way there and she could tell that he was fuming, what reason did he have to be angry at her? She had done nothing wrong! When the front door shut, Chris turned around.

"are you done?" He asked her.

"What are you talking about?" She asked incredulously.

"Whatever this is, whatever you came here for, are you done?"

"No Chris...God I still have so much to catch up on...besides the fact that I don't want to even be talking to you right now let alone living with you!"

"Well that's too bad because I'm not leaving you here."

"Excuse me?"

"Listen I'm sorry about what I said before, I really didn't mean it. Just- Just please come home with me." he said calmly, deciding to change his approach. He walked towards her and put his hands on her upperarms softly caressing them. She looked up at him and he leaned forward and kissed her motionless lips. He kissed her again more forcefully but her lips refused to respond. He stroked her cheeks with his thumbs but she stood there emotionless, silently reminding herself that this is what she had chosen.

"Talk to Rory and then you can talk to me." She said before she went upstairs and turned on the shower.

lalalalaaaaaaaalalalaaaaaaaaaaaalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaalalalaaaaaaaaa

It was Sunday morning and Rory and Lorelai were walking down the streets of Stars Hollow one last time before Lorelai headed back to Boston and Rory headed back to Yale.

"So you wanna eat?" Rory asked her mom.

"Sure...yeah...eating's good." Lorelai said distracted.

"Westons?" Rory asked automatically starting in that direction.

"Oh...Ok...Or you know we could..." She trailed off.

"We could what?" Rory asked.

"We could go to Lukes." She said casually. Rory's face lit up.

"Since when do we go to Lukes?" Rory asked wanting more information.

"Since now ok, Do you want to or not?" Lorelai said trying to change the subject.

"Of course I want to...What happened, spill!" Rory told her mom.

"We'll talk later ok?"

"Fine, but you better tell me."

"I will." Lorelai said. She felt guilty that she hadn't told her daughter that she and Luke were talking again, but she would also feel guilty if Rory knew. For some reason it felt wrong, she was married afterall, and to Rory's father.

The girls walked into Luke's and the bell signaled their arrival. Luke looked up and when he saw who had entered a smile passed his face uncontrollably. It had been so long since they had come in the diner together to eat. It had been two days since he had seen Lorelai at all and Rory hadn't stopped by either.

"Hey" He said regarding both of them, he gave them a small gesture to say that he would be right with them before he went back to the customer that he was talking to. Rory chose a table by the window and she gave her mom an excited yet confused look.

"Ow!" Rory said when Lorelai kicked her under the table.

"Stop looking at me like that." Lorelai whispered loudly.

"He said hey..." Rory told her encouragingly.

"Ror-ry..." She whispered.

"When did you guys start talking?" Rory whispered loudly.

"I said later!" Lorelai whispered back.

"Why are we whispering?" Luke said loudly from over them, startling them both causing Lorelai to grasp at her heart.

"Oh my god Luke, are you trying to kill me?" Lorelai asked him.

"Yeah that was my plan, taking your orders is just the gravy on top." Rory was happy to see that they were talking again, bantering still, but was there a hint of flirting underneath? She could never tell with her mother and Luke.

"What can I get you?" He asked Rory.

"Hmm... I'll have Chocolate Chip Pancakes covered in whipped cream, side of bacon. Large cup of coffee." She said as he wrote it down. "And can i get a plate of hashbrowns?" She asked him.

"Sure." He said. He nodded at Lorelai.

"Ok...well..." She tried to decide.

"I don't have all day." He said impatiently.

"Keep your pants on Luke I haven't been here in a really long time!..." She read over the menu in front of her, humming slightly. When she realized what she had said she felt her face starting to blush so she chose quickly. "I'll have the same." She said.

"You won't live to see 40" he told her in a gruff yet amused tone.

"It's good to be back." She said ignoring his comment. He walked away and she looked at Rory who was giving her a knowing look and she just shrugged at her happily.

The whole time Lorelai found herself unable to pay attention to her daughter, she was constantly distracted by Luke's presence, stealing glances at him when she could. A few times he caught her and she looked away quickly. It was so wierd to her how quickly things had started to get back to 'normal' for them. Not that they were anywhere near there yet, and 'there' only being when they were just friends. At the same time it made sense, because even though after everything they had gone through, they had been friends for eight years before they even starting to go out. Talking to him, laughing and joking with him, even the bantering and flirting, it was just natural as if she had no control over what came out of her mouth. It was unmistakeable that things were different now, now they knew what they had, knew what they were when they were together and how happy they had been.

There was a sense of sadness when they talked that was not present before. A part of her that she often hid and pushed away still missed him so much, he was physically there now, but she missed who they used to be together, she missed being able to kiss him and hold him whenever she wanted. She missed the part of him that he only gave to her. She missed how happy she had been when they were together, how he made her smile, how he laughed, how he comforted her when she cried. She missed 'them' and it hurt her and scared her so much to know that she would probably never get it back. But she pushed these feelings away because now she didn't have any other choice.

When Rory left and Lorelai had to pay her bill she decided to bring it up to the counter instead of just leaving it on the table.

"Thanks." He said when she handed it to him.

"I'm um, leaving for Boston." She told him. When he was getting her receit. He looked up, with shock apparent in his voice he spoke.

"Oh, yeah." He said casually as if he had known already.

"What?" She asked him.

"Nothing- I just thought..." He trailed off wondering if he should tell her what he thought.

"Well good for you scarecrow." She laughed at her own joke.

"Wizard of Oz" He said. "If I only had a brain." She smiled with pride.

"My work here is done." She said overdramatically. She immediatly looked down, to hide the sadness that had overcome her face when she thought about what she had said. "Really, what were you thinking?" She asked him seriously before looking up at him again.

"No-I just didn't think you'd be going back." He said quietly, mumbled slightly. She looked up at him and searched his face for a deeper explanation.

"Oh you mean because..." She said remembering he had been there when Chris and her had fought. She immediatly became embarassed in her decision to go back to Boston. "We...talked." She said.

"Oh." Luke responded, obviously having feelings on the subject but opting not to go any further. "And ...Rory's okay?" He asked her.

"Yeah. They...talked too." She said feeling uncomfortable, she felt like Luke could see right through her, and saw how weak she had been in deciding to forgive Chris.

"Ok." He said to her. "For the road?" He asked sliding a to-go coffee across the counter to her. She saw dissapointment in his eyes and a part of her wanted him to tell her that she was making a horrible decision, she never should have forgiven Christopher for what he said about Rory, or the way that he treated her. But she knew that that was a part of Luke that it would take a very long time to get back.

"Thanks." She said instead taking the coffee, leaving him with a small smile before she exited out the diner door.

lalalalalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalalalalalllaaaa

a/n: haha i just thought you should know a funny blooper story...I was typing this up the first time and the line where i wrote...'she felt guilty that she hadn't told Rory her and luke were talking again' I mistakenly wrote...'she felt guilty that she hadn't told Rory her and luke were dating again.' can you imagine if i had missed that? youd all be like...what? when did that happen? and the fic would pretty much be over...so yeah..anyway hahaha i thought that was pretty funny but thats just me.

and i know that was an extremely eventful chapter, well kind of i think it was the longest one so far but nothing much really happened last chapter so i wanted to make up for that and i'm going away so im debating updating again tomorrow because otherwise it would have to wait till next wednesday, and if i don't have time to update for tomorrow ill feel really bad so this chapter is supposed to make up for that too. I think that made sense, i don't know.

Lyrics to chorus-but the rest of the song fits too so look em up, and i know its not like they hate eachother now but their back to being friends on some level so i guess i thought i kind of fit in with how they are both feeling? I don't know check it out.

How can you just walk on by  
without one tear in your eye?  
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me?  
Maybe that's just your way  
of dealing with the pain,  
forgetting everything  
between our rise and fall  
like we never loved at all.

okreviewme!

-Java-Junkie-...Ness.


	8. I Never Knew The Meaning of Christmas

a/n...ok so i decided to incorporate the spoilers from 11/21 into this chapter a little bit, although not exactly cuz i don't really know what april's medical emergency is so i improvised and brought it in to the fic, because i frankly could not wait...so here you go... and thanks everyone for reviewing, and i encourage more people to do so..it really makes me happy...

This weeks rant...

ahhhh.ew.ew.ew.ew gag gag gag oh my god! So for the majority of the episode i was completely ready to just barf all over the floor.. ew! Lorelai was all like...im so happy...i love you...blahblahblah.! i don't know, i don't beleive it, i think shes covering how unhappy she is by saying that shes happy, she didn't convince me at all though...it took her ten years to admit to luke that she loved him, and she said he was the first guy she ever really loved, meaning she never really loved chris, and no matter how many times she says it i don't believe her! and then the end of the episode...chris totally pushed her into marrying him and she totally didn't want to do it! I wasn't sure at first but when he left the room at the end and she was sitting on the couch looking sad i was like hell yeah! im getting so sick of happy chris/lorelai moments, i sooo needed to see that expression on her face at the end! shes not happy! i knew it...and the promos for next week? YES! omg i can't wait! I mean luke punching chris in the face, meerly satisfying, but this is a full beat down, ihavetotakeoffmycoatcuzitsholdingmeback fight! yes! and you know Luke is totally gonna beat the crap out of him cuz hello? Im so excited. and then the spoilers for next week and um the next couple of months are all pro LL and i am so happy! im all for Lorelai's epiphany even if i have to wait until january or febuary for it...aww luke is so sweet...but if hes helping out emily doesn't that mean him and Lorelai are talking again and are friends again? meaning more LL moments in between that we don't know about yet? i think so... There is hope in the world again! Down with chris!

and ehhem...that whole line, "id sleep on any bench with you" was that supposed to be romantic? cuz i thought it was soooo cheesy... but then again i think everything that man says is che. ok the end. :) chris makes me go like this...gag!

Review please! and excuse my fluffiness. thanks.

lalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalalaalalalaaaaaaaaaalalaalalallallaaaaaaaa

Chapter 8: I Never Knew The Meaning Of Christmas...'till I looked into your eyes

(yes, its Nsync! i admit it!)

It was Christmas Eve and Lorelai was laying in bed, unable to sleep for what seemed like hours now. Christmas used to be one of her favorite holidays, this year she was sure it was not going to be so merry. The rain, yes rain, was pouring heavily on the roof above her. If it were ten degrees colder she knew that it would be snow. Chris' arm was draped protectively around her and she stared up at the dark ceiling, the room only being lit every so often by a flash of lightening. Tomorrow night Richard and Emily Gilmore would be coming out to Boston to spend christmas with them. This would be the first time they had seen how Lorelai was living with her new apartment and her marriage, and as much as she pretended that she didn't care what her parents thought, deep down she really longed for their acceptance and love.

Lorelai closed her eyes, hoping that when she awoke, the streets outside of her window would be covered in snow. She closed her eyes but was awoken quickly when her cellphone started to vibrate loudly against the table. The caller ID said number not available. She looked at the clock, it was twelve thirty and being that Rory was in the other room she couldn't think who it would be. She opened it quickly so that it would not wake anyone else.

"Hatred..." She mumbled sleepily to whoever was on the other end for having disturbed her getting back to sleep, she put her head back on the pillow.

"Lorelai?" A voice came from the other end. Lorelai immediatly recognized it and she removed Chris' arm from her waist so that she could sit up fully.

"Luke?" She asked. His voice scared her, it was filled with fear and confusion, and he almost seemed lost. She also had not spoken to him since the last time she was in Stars Hollow.

"Sorry. I know I probably shouldn't have called, I didn't know who else to talk to." He said quietly from the other end.

"what's wrong?" She asked sweetly and slowly, her voice concerned..

"April. She- the road was slippery-" He made out in fragments. "the car- and now..." He couldn't finish a sentence.

"Hey- rewind...where are you?" She asked him.

"Hartford Community" He said.

"Is April Okay?" She asked concern apparent in her voice.

"She's- I don't know. The doctor said she has a slight concussion, she hasn't woken up yet." He made out.

"Who was driving?"

"Anna. She's okay. Apparently the way the side of the car hit the tree, she only had a few scrapes. The hospital called a couple of hours ago- I didn't know who else to talk to..." He said. His voice scared her more than anything, she had never heard him sound so afraid and vulnerable.

"hey...It's gonna be okay..." She said trying to soothe him. She heard sniffling from the other end.

"I'm so scared." He said weakly, his voice shakey.

"Shh..."she tried to calm him down. She felt an arm snake back around her waist.

"Who is it baby?" Chris asked groggily, his eyes still shut.

"go back to sleep." She assured him quietly.

"I shouldn't have called." Luke stated, having heard christopher's voice it reminded him that he no longer had a place in Lorelai's life. "I'm sorry."

"Lu-" She went to stop him before she heard a click on the other end and the line went dead. _crap. _She thought. She pressed the redial button on her phone but noone answered from the other end, she assumed it was a payphone since it wasn't Luke's number. Damn it. She quickly got out of bed and slipped her jeans on that were on the floor next to her bed. She grabbed a sweatshirt and was putting it on when she heard Chris' voice.

"Where are you going?" He asked her confused.

"Hartford. I'll call you tomorrow okay?" She asked him.

"Tomorrow's Christmas Lor..." He told her. "Your parents are coming remember?"

"There's something I really have to take care of." She said quietly, almost pleading with him to understand. "We'll talk tomorrow." With that she slipped the rest of the sweatshirt over her head before she grabbed her purse and shut the door behind her.

lalalaaaaaaaaalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalalalllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaalalalaa

Two hours later Lorelai was outside of Hartford Community hospital, It was raining so hard she could barely see the road in front of her, and the whole time the only thing she could think of was Luke's voice. She parked in the nearest spot, which was not very close and started to run towards the building, the rain was soaking through her and by the time the emergency room doors opened in front of her she was sure that there was not a dry hair on her head. She made her way to the front desk, tucking some of her wet hair behind her ear.

"April Nardini?" She asked the woman.

"Relation?" The woman behind the desk asked. Lorelai realized that she now had no relation to this girl who would have been her stepdaughter. She considered lying for a second but then decided to take a different approach.

"look, Its Christmas, I just drove two hours through sheets of rain that Clark Kent couldn't see past, left my kid at home to be here, parked my car a mile away, and now I'm standing here with enough water on me to provide for a five year drought, now April Nardini please." She said pleadingly.

"Third floor, room 125a" The woman said in defeat.

"Thank you." Lorelai responded before quickly making her way to the elevator. She pushed the button impatiently multiple times before it responded by opening in front of her. Three floors up an anxious Lorelai shuffled through hallways to try to find room 125, instead she stumbled upon a waiting area. She looked around at the people sitting there without advancing any further. Thats when a certain brunette caught her eye, Anna. She looked miserable, like she hadn't slept in a very long time, her hair was a mess and her face was cold and distant. Lorelai glanced to the seat next to Anna and she was happy she was in a hospital because her heart nearly stopped when she saw Luke sitting there, hunched over. His elbows were on his knees and his hands were resting on the back of his head, behind the brim of his hat. The whole room blurred around her and he was the only thing that she could see.

"Luke..." Lorelai said from across the room. Luke immediatly looked up and when it hit him that it was in fact Lorelai Gilmore standing across the room from him, he let his body take over. He quickly got up from his chair and rushed towards her, and she did the same, meeting him halfway into the room in a powerful embrace. She wrapped one arm tightly behind his back and held his head with the other. His hands were securely around her waist. She held him just as tightly as he was holding her, hoping that it would let him know that she was there for him, in whatever he needed. Lorelai felt herself melt into him, and she realized just how much she missed this man that was holding her so closely. She missed the way that he smelled, the feel of his stubble against her cheek, his strong hands around her waist. She struggled to keep her mind on why she was there, and why eventually, she would have to go back to Boston.

"You came..." He whispered in her ear gratefully, surprised. She knew her clothes were soaking through his at the moment but neither seemed to care very much.

"Of course..I...came.." She said assuringly. That was all that he needed to know. He backed away slowly, and reluctantly she did the same. "How is she?" She asked him concerned.

"she still hasn't woken up yet. The doctors say that it should be within the next couple of days, but it's different for everyone." He said, his voice overcome with fear.

"How are you?" She asked. He just looked back at her, his eyes telling her everything. How could he begin to describe what he was feeling? She understood. It was then that she looked past Luke and saw Anna sitting on the chair, watching them with a hint of surprise in her features, yet forcefully trying to hide it. Lorelai separated from Luke.

"Hey..." She said to Anna, who nodded back at her, unable to speak. Lorelai understood her pain, if anything this serious ever happened to Rory...she didn't know how she would react.

"They won't let us in to see her." Luke told her. She lead him to a pair of seats next to where Anna was sitting.

"I'm going to get some coffee." Anna said before she excused herself to go.

"What, why?" Lorelai asked quietly, cautiously.

"Visiting hours..." He explained. "So we've just been sitting here."

"Yeah..." Lorelai said not knowing what else to say. She swallowed hard as she reached out and grabbed his hand. He looked up at her slowly and when he met her eyes she was afraid of what she saw there.

"What if she..." He couldn't finish his sentence.

"Hey..." She said quietly. "Don't talk like that...She's going to be fine..."

"How do you know?" He asked her.

"Because I know." She said squeezing his hand. He looked at her skeptically and she decided to go further. "Because Luke, when I look at her I see you. I see your strength, and your gentleness, and kindness." She told him sweetly. "And sometimes you can be very, very stubborn," She laughed quietly. "in order to protect the people you love, and if she got that gene from you too, she's going to make it through this." She said, trying to lighten him up a bit.

"Thanks." he said, wanting to let her know how much her just being there was helping him. She gave him a small tentative smile.

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A while later Anna came back into the room holding a cup and sat down across from them. "Anything?" Luke asked her hopefully. She shook her head no.

"You should really get some sleep, you have been here long enough and they won't even let us see her until tomorrow." Luke gave her a glance that meant no way was he leaving. "Really I've got it covered I promise. Go home, come back tomorrow." She told him. Luke turned to Lorelai who had not yet let go of his hand.

"She's right. You need sleep." She told him. "Or rest at least."

"I don't know..." Luke said. As much as he hated hospitals, he wanted to be there for his daughter. But Anna was right, no progress was being made and staying there wasn't doing anybody any good. "What about you?" He asked Anna.

"I think i could use being alone right now." She told him, looking into his eyes to assure him she would be okay. "I'm fine. Go." She stated.

"Yeah, I'll drive you and we'll be back tomorrow..." Lorelai said. He didn't look like he was in any state to be driving, and she knew that her jeep was much safer than his truck in the icy weather.

"You sure?" He asked her, noticing that she had said we, meaning that she would be with him.

"Yeah...Come on." She said standing up, he followed her. When they got outside the rain had started to slow down. Lorelai drove home and Luke was collapsed in the seat next to her, staring at the droplets of water rolling down the window. She recognized his expression and she removed one of her hands from the wheel and held his. He turned to her when he felt the contact. Her hand was warm and soft, and her touch was caring. He had missed her touch, her love, her smile. He didn't realize how much apart of his life Lorelai was until she wasn't in it anymore. He felt like a part of himself was missing, like he was only a shadow of who he was with her. He knew that he would regret taking her for granted until the day that he died.

"Thanks. For everything." He told her. Lorelai smiled at him.

"What are best friend's for?" She asked him, her eyes watering up a little. It amazed her that after everything they had been through, how they hurt eachother and lied to eachother, that here they were once again. After everything that had happen in the past year he was still here, he was still her best friend. She hated that things went so wrong between them, but sometimes she questioned herself that if it wasn't meant to be, if she really was meant to be with a guy like Christopher, why did she have that feeling in her stomach? Why did she feel such a strong connection with him, and why did they keep ending up here? Secretly she also wondered where they would be if Christopher and her never started dating again, would Luke and her ever get back together, would he ever trust her like that again? Of course not, the only reason he was friends with her now was because he knew that she was married and it was strictly friendship, right? He offered a small smile and nodded back before he turned to the window again.

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By the time Lorelai stopped in front of the diner, she was completely worn out from everything that had happened that night. It was three in the morning and she was sure that Luke had not slept a wink the whole ride, but his eyes were closed and his head was rested against the window.

"Hey...We're here..." She told him quietly, and he opened his eyes. He didn't move from the car.

"Do you want...some coffee?" He asked her.

"Sure." She knew that he needed her now and she wasn't going to let him down. She put the car into park and followed Luke inside the dark diner. She started to make her way to the counter but was surprised when Luke made his way over to the curtain by the stairs.

He led her up his apartment steps and opened the door inviting her in. She sat on the couch and he made her a cup of coffee before he sat down next to her, sighing loudly.

"You okay?" She asked him before taking a sip.

"I don't know." He told her. "I can't even explain it."

"I get that." She said, searching his face for whatever he was feeling. They sat there in silence for a while, Luke looking at the ceiling and Lorelai looking into her cup. They were just comforted by eachothers presence. "I mean, you must be so scared." She said, trying to open him up, wanting to talk to him but not push him to far.

"I am. I don't know what I would do..." He trailed off.

"She's gonna be okay Luke." She assured him quietly.

"I know. I just- I mean I knew she was my kid, and I knew how much I loved her...It's just when something like this happens...I didn't know how it would feel, how i would would react..you know?" He asked her trying to explain himself.

"I know..." She said remembering when she got Rory's call from the hospital.

"You shouldn't take anyone for granted." He says pointedly, a part of him wanting to show Lorelai how sorry he is for how he treated her. His statement effectively made their conversation a little too uncomfortable for Lorelai's liking. She finished her coffee and placed it on the table in front of her. "I should go...I'll be back tomorrow morning, whatever time you want to leave just call me. I'll be here." He nodded. She was at the door before she turned around. "Promise me you'll get some sleep." She said.

"I'll try." He told her. The door was almost completely closed when he stopped her.

"Lorelai..." He said, catching her attention.

"Yeah?" She asked returning quickly.

"Could you...Stay?" He asked her. She was taken aback, but cautiously entered the room again, shutting the door behind her.

"You mean for the night?" She asked quietly.

"Yeah...I mean you could take the bed, I'd take the couch but...It's dumb for you to come back in a couple of hours to get me...just...stay..." He said slowly, choosing his words carefully yet stumbling over himself at the same time.

"Okay." She said casually. "But you take the bed, I'll get the couch, you need it more than I do..." he accepted appreciatively before he climbed into bed and she collapsed on the couch next to it.

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A couple of hours later Lorelai awoke quickly. She was confused at first but then the events of the night before quickly overcame her. It was still dark and Lorelai glanced across the room. Luke was laying in bed, facing the ceiling. She knew that he hadn't been able to go to sleep. She was more startled when she spotted a tear running down his cheek, and he quickly wiped it away, sniffling quietly. In all the years that she had known Luke, she had never seen him like this, she had never seen him cry. That's not completely true, she reminded herself, she saw him cry at Rory's graduation but that was different. Here he was, weak, scared and almost visibly shaking. The man who had always been there for her, had always been her rock.

"Luke?" Lorelai asked quietly. He turned to face her, slightly embarrassed but unable to overcome the tears that were slowly escaping his eyes. She felt an aching in her heart and she knew what she had to do. She swallowed back her fear before she stood up and crossed over the room to his bed and sat by his side. "Hey..." She tried to calm him down, but at her touch he only lost it even more. She scooted on the bed and lie down facing him and stroked the side of his face. She felt her stomach drop. "It's okay...she's gonna be okay..." She assured him quietly, he nodded before he slid his arm around her, holding her to him tightly. She let him cry before she felt them both drift off to sleep.

"Lorelai-" Luke awoke her from the side of the bed. Lorelai shifted and squinted to open her eyes."That was Anna...April's awake..."

"Luke thats great!" Lorelai assured him.

"Come on, I'll drive, you sleep in the car." He told her, his voice anxious to see his daughter. Luke reached out his hand and helped her from the bed, placing a thermos of hot coffee in her other hand, and led a partially sleeping Lorelai out to the car.

They were halfway to Hartford when Lorelai spoke, her head against the window and her eyes still closed. "I told you she would be fine." She stold him

"I know." He said, his voice still a little nervous since Anna was a little vague on the details.

"She's so strong." She said still not opening her eyes.

"Mmm." Luke agreed.

"Like you." She finished. Luke gave a small smile knowing that Lorelai wouldn't see it anyway before he stepped on the gas a little harder hoping to see his daughter as soon as he could.

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Lorelai was standing outside of April's hospital room. Luke was inside with Anna and they were talking to her. Lorelai was sure that it wasn't her place to go inside and she decided to give Luke and Anna more time with their daughter. She was dialing Rory's cell number when her phone started to ring.

"Hello?" She asked.

"Mom where are you? What happened, dad said you left for Hartford last night is everything okay?" Rory asked from the other end.

"Yeah...everythings fine..." She told her daughter.

"What happened?" Rory asked.

"Um...it was April, she was in a car accident." Lorelai told Rory.

"Oh my god is she okay? Is Luke okay?" Rory asked.

"Yeah, everyone's fine hun...listen i'll be home in a couple of hours, try to clean up for me before your grandparents get there..." Lorelai told her.

"okay..hey mom?" Rory said

"Yeah babe?" Lorelai said.

"Tell Luke i'm happy he's okay." Rory told her mom.

"sure, and tell chris i'll be home soon"

"kay"

"Merry Christmas baby, I love you." Lorelai said to her daughter.

"Love you too mom, see you soon." Rory said, and with that Lorelai closed her phone. When she looked up she saw Luke standing in the doorway to April's room. He had heard the tail-end of Lorelai's conversation and assuming she had been talking to Chris, his face grew cold.

"Rory." Lorelai assured him when she noticed his reaction. "she wanted me to tell you that she's happy you're okay." His face immediatly lightened, aand his cheeks blushed slightly. "I should get back to Boston, they're waiting for me..." Lorelai said sadly.

"Sure, yeah...I mean it is Christmas." Luke said. "Do you want to, see April before you go?" He asked her.

"Really?" Lorelai asked surprised, after all of the effort Luke had gone through trying to keep Lorelai out of April's life, there he was inviting her to walk right in and talk to her.

"Really." He said assuringly.

"Ok." She stated happily. She walked into the room where Anna was sitting next to April's bed. April looked up and immediatly her face lit up.

"Lorelai!" She said excitedly, although she was still drowsy.

"Hey sweetie!" Lorelai said. Anna excused herself from the room, trying to hide her jealosy in how her daughter and fathers ex, communicated.

Now that she was alone in the room Lorelai sat down in the chair next to the bed. "We were all so worried about you..." Lorelai told her.

"I can't believe you came..." April said appreciatively.

"Of course I came..." Lorelai said, repeating herself from earlier that day. April's face softened into a small smile.

"I knew you still loved him." She said quietly, adjusting her glasses. Lorelai leaned in closer to April and brushed a hair off of her face.

"Yeah kid... I guess I do." She admitted quietly looking at her hands. "I should go."

"Merry Christmas Lorelai." April said from the bed.

"Merry Christmas." Lorelai leaned over and kissed April on the forehead before she left the room, meeting Luke outside.

"So this is it..." Luke said, sensing that she would be leaving soon, going back to her family.

"Hey...It's snowing!" Lorelai noticed, looking outside. She made her way closer to the large glass windows, staring outside in wonderment.

Luke crept up behind her, his eyes never leaving her face. "It's beautiful" He said quietly. Lorelai turned and froze when she saw that Luke was looking at her, his face was only centimeters away from her own. Lorelai's fourth finger on her left hand reminded her that she could not be doing this, but the look that Luke was giving her was far to intense for her to look away. Instead, fighting himself with everything that he had in him, he redirected his lips and planted a soft kiss on her cheek. "Thank you, for everything you've done for me..." He said softly.

Lorelai blushed. "Stop thanking me...i'm happy to help." She said turning her face to the snow again. He watched her in amazement, trying to block out the part of his mind that was reminding him that she wasn't his to be amazed by anymore. She was gone. She was with Chris. And it was all his fault. But at that moment all he could think about was her.

"Merry Christmas Luke." She said, leaning back into him slightly.

"Merry Christmas Lorelai." He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her slightly before he turned and walked away, going back to see his daughter.

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yay! end of chapter 8 I hope you liked it and please please pleas eplease review if you read it, i really like to know where you guys are, it really helps me...and i no how im getting them together, have no fear..its a comin... thank you!

ooh and song titles anyone? for some reason i find a lot of country songs encompassing their relationship if that helps at all...I don't know why that is..hmm...

pleasereviewmenow : )

-javajunkieness-


	9. She's Everything To Me

a/n- thanks for all of the reviews, you guys rock...this one is for you!all of you... i know its been a while so i decided to make it good...enjoy...

ps- how'd u guys like the episode? I actually wasn't in too much pain while watching it this week...some parts were a little drawn out like the party scene, omg i almost died it was so boring, they probably should have cut that one..I was happy when Lorelai said that if she had thought about it (getting married) she wouldn't have done it..and i loved the whole lorelai going to the hospital thing, who else is for LL talking again? I am! and when luke saw the ring...aw..so sad.. Im just happy that somethings happening becasue for the last couple of episodes nothing has been happening at all...and the spoilers make me happy! jealous christopher? yes! he should be jealous! ok end rant.

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Chapter 9:She's everything To me (Brad Paisley)

A couple of days later Lorelai was on her way home from work. After sitting through an extra hour of holiday traffic she was happy to be closer to Chris' apartment. She was tired of sitting in her car alone, with no one but her radio to talk to. When she was alone, it meant she was thinking, and thinking was not something she was comfortable doing lately. She raised the volume on the radio to try to block out the thoughts in her head, but all she could see was Luke's face, all she could feel were his arms around her and his soft lips touching her cheek. She moved her hand up and touched her cheek with her fingertips, and her stomach churned. Chris, she reminded herself. The sooner she got to the apartment, the sooner she could stop thinking about Luke.

She felt extremely guilty for leaving Chris, Gigi and Rory in the middle of the night on Christmas, but in her head she did not see any other options. All she knew is that she had needed to see him right then, that he had gone to her for help and she would stop at nothing to make sure he was okay. But all of the feelings she had built up inside over the past half a year started to come back out when she had spent so much time with Luke, and this was not the Luke that she had bumped into in the supermarket when she had gone to buy ice cream, or the one that had brushed her off in the middle of the street, or even the one that she had played cards with recently. There was no holding back, no facade s, no pretending to be strong, it was just Luke. It was then that Lorelai realized that Just Luke needed her, Just her, and she admitted to herself that she needed him too.

Lorelai didn't know that it was possible to love somebody when you didn't want to love them.She didn't know you knould need somebody so badly when you tried so hard not to need them. But then again Lorelai had never been in love. Not before Luke.

She felt the tears rise in her eyes as she turned down a familiar street. It hurt her that after everything her and Luke had gone through, with how badly she needed him, that it would never happen. Too much had been done and even if Luke suddenly admitted how much he needed and wanted her in his life, she was sure that he would never be able to forgive her or trust her ever again. And then there was Christopher. She was married. To Christopher. She repeated the mantra over and over in her head, but it still sounded false to her. As much as he cared, and as much as he tried, Christopher would never be Luke. She could never feel for Christopher what she did for Luke. Lorelai used her time as she rode the elevator to the correct floor to question wheter she was ever meant to be happy. Lorelai had many, many failed relationships in her life. Most of them were her fault. But she could deal with that, if that was where it had ended for her she could probably deal with it. But it was the smallest reminders, Luke's smell, or his arms wrapped around her, that reminded her of what she had. This time it was different, this time she had been happy, and she had loved him with everything that she had. And she had lost. She was back to square one, also known as christopher, and she didn't know if she could handle it anymore.

"Hey." She said walking in, Christopher was watching television and looked up when he heard the door open.

"Hi" Chris said lightly, motioning with his hand for her to go to him. She did it although she felt awkward as she crossed the room and lowered herself to kiss him, he eagerly tilted his head up to give her easier access to his lips, but so much guilt had built up inside of her that she did not know if she could do it convincingly.

"Mmwah" She exaggerated the kissing noice as her lips breifly came in contact with his cheek and she sat down next to him.

"Hard day?" He asked noticing that she looked down.

"Yeah, it was so busy today. And it's so different from the dragonfly." She stated staring at the tv to avoid his glance.

"Different how?" Chris asked.

"Well when the dragonfly would be busy, I had friends there, a support system of people who cared about me so when things got hard they could take some slack. Plus Michel was there so I would send all of the annoying customers to him. Now, I'm the Michel, and not only to I work out of my mind but when I need people to fall back on no one's there. Its not...It's not what I want to do." Lorelai explained.

"Yeah but then why are you in the Inn managing business if you don't like it?" Chris asked her, his eyes darting back and forth with the football players on the screen.

"I guess it's not the Dragonfly, you know? I didn't build it, for all I know it was dropped from a UFO, the Dragonfly I made, it's a part of me. It gives me something to be proud of, and say, I did that. you know?" She asked him seriously.

"What you call that a foul!" Chris yelled angrily at the umpire with a throw of his hand. Lorelai was shocked initially by his yelling but when it subsided she got off of the couch and went to find something to eat.

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The next weekend Lorelai was sitting in Luke's Diner seriously studying an important piece of paper at the counter.

"Hey-" Luke said happily as he came through the curtain.

"Hey.." She responded. "Coffee?" She stuck out her lip a little before he could say no, he rolled his eyes and walked over to the coffee machine.

" I didn't know you were stopping by today" He said as he poured her a cup.

"Yeah well I'm not staying long but I had some stuff to do at the Inn" She said gratefully accepting it. "So how's April doing?" She asked him changing the subject.

"She's doing a lot better. She's at home now and she's adjusting to everything. She has a cast on her arm and is all excited about it." He said, his face lighting up. "I uh- got you something actually..." He said a little shyly

"What? Why?" She said seriously surprised.

"Christmas..." He said in a 'duh' voice. "Plus as a sort of thank you..." He smiled when he remembered them having a similar conversation not too long ago, when Lorelai bought him the hat. She smiled too.

"Ooh where is it?" She asked him.

"Hold on." He disappeared from behind the curtain again and when he came back he held out a small gift bag. He face was flushed with adoration for the man in front of her as she received it, clapping her hands. She shook the bag to her ear.

"How old are you?" He asked her jokingly.

"Two" she said proudly before she lowered the bag to her lap. She opened the bag and pulled out a flat, square shaped velvet box. She opened up the box slowly, and gasped. It was a bracelet. It had a delicate silver chain and dangling from the end was a small silver heart, encrusted with tiny diamonds. "Luke..." She said in amazement looking up at him. He smiled. "It's- beautiful. You shouldn't have- I can't-" She stuttered.

"Take it, it's a present you take it." He said still smiling from his reaction.

"Now i feel so stupid." She said throwing her hand in emphasis.

"What? Why?" He asked confused.

"Remember when you helped me when my dad was in the hospital, all i got you was that stupid hat that you don't even wear anymore and then you go and get me this-this- gorgeous bracelet i want to be wearing in my coffin and every day until i get there and-"

"It wasn't a stupid hat- I wore it every day for five years after that- plus you desearve it..."He told her and watched her face soften.

"Yeah but you don't wear it anymore." She said sadly. Her fingers fumbling with the clasp on the bracelet, finding it hard to do since she only had one hand.

"You don't have to put it on now-" Luke started

"I want to." She said and he bent over the counter to help her with it, he took one side and she took the other and after recovering from a slight tremble in her hand at the proximity of their faces she managed to get it clipped on. "Thanks. We make a good team you and me." She stated lightly, but the words falling heavily as if bowling ball had been dropped in a silent room. She she cleared her throat quietly to break the tension. He looked up at her then.

"I uh- I could start wearing it again- it was a good hat." He stumbled over his own words.

"It _was_ a good hat" she agreed. "And you should...It looked good on you" She said smiling slightly.

"good." He said before he stood up again. "So whats that?" He asked motioning to the paper in front of her with a slight tilt of his head. She sipped her coffee before she answered.

"Work stuff" She told him. "I um, I think I'm quitting my job in Boston" She told him

"What?" He asked confused.

"I'm not happy there." She stated matter-of-factly. "With- work...I mean."She quickly corrected.

"Yeah- " He said understanding. "It's not the same huh-"

"Not at all. I just, I can't do it anymore." She told him.

"So what are you going to do?" He asked her.

"I think I have to quit. It has been so stressfull with both jobs. Plus- it gives me more time to concentrate on the dragonfly." She said.

"Yeah- but you'd have to commute two hours every time you wanted to go back and forth." He said and she saw something flash through his eyes, but she couldn't quite place it.

"I know." She said exasperated. "I really don't know what I'm going to do. I mean, I guess we could always just come back here..." She thought out loud. "But I don't know how I'm going to get Chris to buy that." She said frustrated. Luke inwardly rolled his eyes. He would never understand Christopher ever, or how Lorelai could like him so much.

"I think I speak for all of Stars Hollow when I say that we would be happy to have you back." He said lightly with a serious undertone. Lorelai exhaled heavily, the day was getting to her.

"Hey, speaking of hats, where is yours?" Lorelai asked noticing that he was hatless. Her eyes scanned down his body to note that he was dressed really nicely, and not even in the clothes that she had bought for him. Her mouth dropped open mock dramatically. "Lucas, look at you!" She admired. "what are you all dressed up for?" She asked cluelessly, before the possibilities dawned on her and her face dropped. "Oh-" She said sadly in realization, not knowing why her heart was so heavy. It's not like they were even dating anymore, or even had the option of dating, so why did it hurt so much? The feeling in her chest only served to remind her some of what Luke must have been feeling this whole time, and she hated herself for bringing up chris so casually in their conversation. Her face sunk even more and she found her cup of coffee extremely interesting.

"No- I uh have a meeting, with my lawer." Luke said, a smirk spreading across his face as he said it. Lorelai ignored the look.

"Really?" Lorelai asked him.

"Really." He said, still smirking. "I am..."He continued but dropped his voice significantly and leaned over the counter. "I'm thinking of trying for partial custody of April." He told her seriously.

"Really?" She repeated herself.

"Yeah. I just, After the accident it really got me thinking about the place I hold in her life... I don't know. It's stupid I guess, I just- if anything ever happened to Anna, I should legally be April's father right?" He shrugged.

"It's not stupid, you want equal rights as her parent." She stated. "As you should, you're her father." She said, genuinly trying to make it sound like talking about April and Anna wasn't weird for her. "did you talk to Anna about this?" She asked him

"I'm sorry is this weird for you?" Luke asked. Lorelai started to lie but then quickly stopped herself.

"A little, yeah." She understated, and Luke noticed the tone in her voice. He didn't say anything so Lorelai decided to break the silence by rambling. "I mean, after everything that happened with-us, and things were really good and- then April and, two months you know, and then stuff started to get bad- so yeah talking like this, this-" She stopped rambling when she saw his face freeze. "- is, wierd." She concluded. "are you okay?" She asked him.

"I should get going" Luke said uncomfortably, grabbing his coat.

"Luke..I didn't mean to-" Lorelai gave up. She had broken the secret code that they had that in order to be friends they couldn't talk about what happened, or how things used to be, or reference at all to the fact that they had dated let alone talk about reasons for their split. She chastised herself inwardly.

"Have a safe trip back to Boston." He told her lighlty before he left out the door, the bells jingling with it's close. She let out a breath that she didn't even know she was holding in_. Smooth, exLax_. She thought to herself sarcastically.

lalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalalaaaaaaaaaaaalalaa

A couple of hours later Lorelai was sitting on her couch 'watching' tv. She couldn't stop thinking about what had happened. Why had she done that? Why had she told the truth? it would have been soo easy to lie. "Is this wierd for you?" The overly masculine mock luke voice said to her in her head. "No not at all" The Lorelai in her head who interestingly enough had a country twang responded to him. See, easy! Everything had been going so great with them, but she had to go blabbering away and now they were back at the beginning. Well, not exactly the beginning but they had definately taken a step in the backwards direction. Lorelai put her hand to her head and when she did she felt a cool metal chain slide down her arm. When Lorelai remembered the bracelet she smiled. She took the heart in her figertips and stroked it with her thumb. She didn't know why but right then at that moment she needed to talk to him, needed to make sure they were okay. She looked at the clock, it had been three hours since Luke left from the diner, he had to be back by now. Besides, it wasn't as if she hadn't seen the friends episode that was currently on her television screen a hundred billion times to the point she could recite it line for line. Lorelai grabbed her coat and started on her way to Lukes.

When she got there she noticed that there were a few lights inside but the sign was switched to 'closed'. She knocked a few times but when she got no response she reached for the handle and turned. Unlocked. She entered and immediatly was surprised to hear a radio playing from the back room. "Luke?" She asked. He came out of the storage room with a broom in his hand, his face giving away how suprised he was to see her.

"Hey- I didn't hear you come in" He said cautiously.

"I can not believe that _you_ yell at _me_ all the time for leaving _my_ door unlocked and here you are, closed, doing the same thing." She laughed. "Do you know the risks of that Luke? Hm? Do you know what could have been stolen? All of your precious days earnnigs, the _coffee_ all gone to waste!" She said dramatically, trying to break the tension from the start. He chuckled as he rested the broom against the wall and walked into the room.

"Yeah, the only coffee theives I know of are...you. Yeah thats it" He said pretending to give it some thought.

"Well I wouldn't want the competition" She said smiling as she made her way behind the counter and grabbed a mug. "Hey, nice hat.." She said when she noticed he was wearing the hat she had bought him again.

"Thanks-What are you doing?" Luke asked reluctantly.

"Stealing the coffee?" Lorelai replied. "I thought I made that clear" She mused as she poured herself a cup and sat down at the counter.

"Crazy" he commented, rolling his eyes.

"Yes, crazy, but at the same time unbelieveably gorgeous, what are the odds?" She asked laughing, but then her face got serious when she saw his unwavering stare that was not telling her otherwise. "Luke-" She stated.

"Yeah?" He asked, sitting down next to her at the counter.

"I'm sorry" She said, knowing that it could encompass a huge list of things but hoping that he understood she was referring to how they left things before.

"You don't have to be.." Luke said stopping her. "I was just uncomfortable, I shouldn't have even brought it up."

"But I am sorry! I broke the code!" She said seriously disturbed with herself.

"The-?" Luke searched his brain for what she could possible by talking about. She gave him a knowing look. "There was never a-"

"Don't say it, Don't you dare say it!" She pointed her finger at him in conviction, as though if he said it a fairy would die.

"We should be able to talk about things." Luke said seriously. "Would you quit pointing your finger at me?" He asked. Lorelai laughed but did not stop, raising her finger to his face before she stuck her tongue out and started to giggle. Luke playfully grabbed her hand and tried to turn it around so she would be pointing at herself, but she struggled to keep it the right way. She finally laughed which released all of her strength.

"Agh you win" She said pretending to be bitter about it.He chuckled but did not let go of her hand, holding it lightly and she turned her hand around so that she could lace her fingers in his and she held it there. The two sat there in silence for a while until a familiar song came on the radio.

_**She's a yellow pair of running shoes A holey pair of jeans She looks great in cheap sunglasses She looks great in anything She's, "I want a piece of chocolate" "Take me to a movie" She's "I can't find a thing to wear" Now and then she's moody**_

Lorelai's face lit up. "I love this song! I mean I'm not a huge huge fan of the country music, but oh my god! I can make an acception for Brad." She chuckled and he smiled at how excited she got over a song. She saw something in his eyes and smiled back, unable to look away. Luke couldn't help but think about how much Lorelai reminded him of this girl in the song.

_**She's a Saturn with a sunroof With her brown hair a-blowing She's a soft place to land And a good feeling knowing She's a warm conversation That I wouldn't miss for nothing She's a fighter when she's mad And she's a lover when she's loving**_

"Hey- Luke?" Lorelai asked shyly.

"Yeah?"

"Would you..I mean...Do you wanna..Wanna dance?" She asked him with the innocence and fear of a fourteen year old.

"i- um..." He started to oppose, but then he saw her face".Sure.." He said, what the hell? She stood up from her stool and reached her hand out to Luke who took it following her to the spot she wanted to dance in. He fell into rythem, placing one hand on her back and the other in his own, knowing completely well that the object on her finger that was at the moment digging into his hand meant that he shouldn't be doing this, but the way that she had asked him, and the fact that it was Lorelai Gilmore asking him, caused him to go against his better judgement and dance with her anyway. Lorelai had her hand on his shoulder and melted into him as he swayed.

_**And she's everything I ever wanted, And everything I need- I talk about her, I go on and on and on. 'Cause she's everything to me...**_

Lorelai moved in closer and closer into Luke throughout the song until they were practically one person, their bodies fitting together perfectly.

"Lorelai..." Luke said softly, they were definitely now breaking whatever 'code' she had mentioned before and he did not want her to be angry at him for doing so later.

"Shh..." She silenced him, resting her cheek on his.

**_She's a Saturday out on the town And a church girl on Sunday She's a cross around her neck And a cuss word 'cause it's Monday She's a bubble bath and candles Baby come and kiss me She's a one glass of wine And she's feeling kinda tipsy She's the giver I wish I could be And the stealer of the covers She's a picture in my wallet Of my unborn children's mother She's the hand that I'm holding When I'm on my knees and praying She's the answer to my prayer And she's the song that I'm playing _**

She could feel luke's heart beating through her own, and she knew that hers was probably beating just as fast. She knew she shouldn't be doing this or feeling this way, but she had no choice, she couldn't move, couldn't will herself to leave his embrace. She felt his arms tighten around her and she closed her eyes, inhailing his sent.

**_And she's everything I ever wanted And everything I need I talk about her, I go on and on and on 'Cause she's everything to me_ **

_**She's the voice I love to hear Someday when I'm ninety She's that wooden rocking chair I want rocking right beside me Every day that passes I only love her more Yeah, she's the one That I'd lay down my own life for And she's everything I ever wanted And everything I need She's everything to me Yeah, she's everything to me Everything I ever wanted And everything I need She's everything to me** _

As the sound of the guitar solo filled the air, Lorelai felt herself open her eyes and look into those of the man she was holding. His eyes were so deep and so blue, she felt like she could get lost in them forever. So she did, and she felt her face moving towards his until her forhead was rested against his own, and they had officially stopped moving. She felt her hand move up to his cheek, her thumb stroking his light stubble, the rise and fall of his chest, his breath on her face.She inhaled sharply, gasping slightly at how close they were. She closed the space between them, her mouth almost drawn to his, kissing his lips softly but sweet before separating. She closed her eyes and felt his lips come in contact with her own again in a powerful, deep kiss, full of meaning and want on both sides. She wrapped her arms around his neck and she felt his grip tighten on her waist. The third kiss was initiated by both, unable to stop themselves, his hand was tangled in her hair and this one was hungry and passionate, getting deeper with every second that passed by.

_Chris._

Lorelai broke the kiss abruptly when it was at its peak, and she covered her mouth with her hand. "Lorelai..." Luke said afraid. When she looked up her face was broken, the tears spilling over her eyes. She sniffled back. How could this be happening? Now? What had she done? She was now crying uncontrollably, but still having the ability to stand.

"I'm sorry-" She made out. "I can't do this- I just can't..." She said. "God, not now.."

"I'm sorry-" Luke said reaching out to hold her up. "I shouldn't have-"

"Don't apologize. It's not your fault." She said still crying. He pulled her to him, hugging her hard to try to comfort her. She melted into his embrace but knew she could not stay there forever. "I should probably go." She said wiping off her face as she separated from him.

He nodded his agreement and didn't even get to say goodbye before the door shut behind her, the bells jingling overhead.

lalalalaalalalalalalalalalaalalalalalaallalalaalalalalalaalalllalalalallaalalalalalalalalallaalalaaaaaaaaaaaaalalalaa

a/n- i hope you liked it! please please please please please review! okay thanks.

ps- omg its a great amazing over the top unbelievable song. phew. Okay so i actually don't really like country music all that much, i mean ill listen to it but im more of a rocknroll person myself, but oh. my. god. you should hear the guitar solos in this song, brad paisley, She's everything. so cute, plus he wrote it for his wife who's pregnent with his kid right now...uber cute..and i never use the word uber so you have to trust me. check it out...I love it!

okreviewnow. thanks.

-javajunkieness-


	10. Because I'm Lonely Now

a/n- ok so i basically wrote like three paragraphs about my feelings on tonights episode but i decided it was a little much so i decided to condense it. here we go...I loved it.(except for lorelai's iloveyousomuch.) knitathon return to crazy town festivals :) Chris killing it so funny, he obviously doesn't understand stars hollow, or Lorelai, why doesn't she see that? luke holding baby adorable..you just pictured him holding him and lorelai's baby...anna got what she deserved from luke...finally!..nxt week ahhhhhh omg! i can't wait, how cute did him and lorelai look together when she was holding the baby? and fight! yes!I just have effectively decided that the way the show is going its definitely headed towards an LL reuinion so sry to all the Loristofer (haha just made that up) fans who were hoping for something different. from day one they have been brewing this LL romace stuff and in my opinion if you think Chris is better for Lorelai than Luke is you have obviously never seen the show before season six. okay srry for this overly long rant however i am extremely excited and DR i have placed my trust back in you, don't blow it.

responses to some of the reviews at the end of chapter

disclaimer- um i don't own anything. and i also wanted to apologize someone brought up that last chapter i was like..um chris was watching football and he yelled at the umpire-. okay im sorry obviously i don't watch football. but i do root for the yankees every year at the superbowl- haha just kidding, that was my joke of the day. ok read now.

* * *

Chapter 10: Because I'm Lonely Now...and I don't know how to get It back To Good (matchbox20, thanks 

The minute Lorelai heard the door shut behind her she regretted that she had walked there because all she wanted was to go to sleep, but now she would have to walk all the way home with only her thoughts to comfort her. Thoughts that again had proven to be way to dangerous to be left alone with.Crap. she thought.Just when I get my life back to a happy-ish place-She stopped herself.Was she happy with christopher? Did it really matter anymore?

If she was honest with herself she would know that she hadn't been happy in a very very long time. She hadn't been happy since Luke had started to push her out of his life. She had been devastated when she realized they would never get married. Her heart was crushed into a million pieces when he didn't stop her from leaving. She was broken beyond repair by the time Christopher opened his door that night. And she had meerly been existing through these past couple months. Like she was sitting in a corner passively watching as everything happened to her. She wasn't happy, no, but did she deserve to be happy? Even after how Luke had treated her towards the end, how he didn't tell her about April for two whole months, how he pushed Lorelai out of his life with her, how he forced her into a place where she couldn't even hold on anymore, she knew that she would never be happy without him. She knew that, and she also knew that Luke would never intentionally hurt her.

But there was hurt on both sides, she reminded herself. She felt a pain shoot through her head when she recalled her actions with Christopher the night that they had broken up. If it had been the other way around, if she had just gone home and Luke had gone to see Rachel or Nicole, and- she would have been devastated. How could she have thrown herself into a relationship with Christopher so suddenly? And then she remembered. She remembered feeling like she was loved. She had missed that. That infatuation, adoration, and lust that she had seen in Chris' eyes the night he told her that he would wait until he was eighty if thats what it would take. Feeling like she was wanted, she had needed that so badly.

The more she thought about Christopher, the more she thought about Lukes lips on her own, his hand in her hair, his tongue in her mouth. As much as it guilted and pained her she had missed that so much, had needed it miore than anything in the world, and had been starved of it for a very long time. The cold air numbed the tips of her ears, and tears stung at her eyes. She felt like she was having an out of body experience, but at the same time was trapped within her own. She had thrown everything she had into her relationship with Luke, she had given him everything that she had, and loved him more than anyone in the world except for Rory, and the moment he refused to elope with her she felt as though she had been rejected totally and completely by the first man she had ever really allowed to know her, and the only man she ever wanted to.

Luke had said it the night of their first official date. "I'm in, I am all in" his voice echoed in her head. She too, had allowed herself to go 'all in' and when she had lost she felt like everything was taken away from her. She climbed her porch steps and grasped for the cold door handle. How could she have done that? No matter how empty she had felt after she broke up with Luke, she never should have gone into a relationship with Christopher of all people knowing fully well that her heart still completely belonged to Luke. Lorelai figured that it must have been better to just exist with someone who loves you than to just exist alone, and that had been why she agreed to do it. But it had spiraled out of control, and it wasn't fair to anyone, especially Christopher. Worst of all, Lorelai had to bottle all of her feelings on the subject inside because she couldn't talk to Rory about something like this that had to do with Her dad. She would hate her for what she did tonight. Hands, Lips, Tongue. She held her breath as the moment forced its way into her conscience once again, and then it passed as she shut it back out.

As she walked into her house she heard a television on in the other room. She swore she had shut it off. As she slowly entered the living room she heard another noise, snoring? Christopher? He was sprawled out on her couch. She went over and quietly turned off the tv. Everytime she looked at Christopher she thought about Luke. Luke. Did he still love her? Did he need her the way that she needed him? The emotion and passion in Luke's kiss had overwhelmed her once again until there was a sudden interruption in the snore.

"Lor?" Chris asked.

"Hi.ya? Heh- Hey." She stuttered nervously. He looked at her questioningly, confused by his surroundings.

"Oh- I- em...I thought I would surprise you." Chris said tiredly.

"Oh." Lorelai made out.

"Surprise." He said lamely. Lorelai looked to the floor. She couldn't stand here anymore. She couldn't stand here knowing what she allowed herself to know now and thinking about what she was thinking about, knowing that she did what she did and had enjoyed it.

"are you...are you okay?" He asked her. Lorelai looked up and let him see her, really see her, see all the pain that had formed within her and had been pushed away and neglected for almost eight months now. "What's happened?" He asked nervously sitting up on the couch. Lorelai inhaled deeply, why was this so hard, how could she tell him?

"I-uh" She stuttered again, carefully choosing her next words but finding none. "Hm."

"Where were you it's like eleven?" He asked curiously but kindly, trying to find out what was bothering her.

"i was.." She questioned whether or not to tell him. She knew that if she didn't now, it would never come out. "i was at..Lukes." She said saying his name slowly watching as it sank in Chris's features. For some reason they did not seem pained or curious but instead filled with rage as he threw himself off the couch.

"What did he do to you?!" Chris yelled protectively.

"N-nothing chris calm down!" She said back quieter but sternly. "Where are you going?" She said in exasperation as he made his way towards the door.

"I'm gonna go over there and make him wish he was never born! what the hell! Your alone with him for two minutes and you come home looking like this!" Chris yelled angrily. "God damn it! that no good selfish son of a-"

"Chirstopher!" She yelled pulling him out of his rage and filled with shock at her anger with him. "Listen to me! You shouldn't be mad at him, its me okay! be mad at me! I went over there..I-"

"What did he do!" Chris asked sternly interrupting her for only a minute.

"I asked him to dance...I-I kissed him back" the tears spilled over her eyes while she continued. "I- knew what I was doing...I gave him an ultimatum when I knew he didn't like them..I never told him how I was feeling or why I was so sad..I "She sniffled back continuing on. "I knew that the minute I told him he would run to me and tell me everything was going to be okay, and he would...he would love and pay attention to me..I couldn't do that..that was selfish-that wouldn't be fair to him..to April- I " She choked on her words as tears she didn't even know she had left ran down her cheeks and she hugged her arms to her chest. "I walked away from him when all he was doing was trying to be a good dad! I went to your apartment that night knowing what would happen when I still.. I married you when..I cant- I don't-" She broke into tears wiping her face with her hands. She looked up to Chris who had pain throughout his face and she felt her throat close up and suddenly she was inaudible.

"Do you love him?" Chris asked her quietly after what seemed to be hours but really was only minutes of silence.

"Chris... " She pleaded with him, not wanting to hurt him any more.

"do you love me?" Chris asked her a little more sternly.

"I- I- please don't do this." She said looking into his eyes.

"DO YOU LOVE ME?!" Chris yelled at her angrily.

"NO!" She yelled back in shock. "no." She said with more finality but quieter. She put her fingertips to her mouth. Hands, tongue, lips. She broke from the memory, looked up and saw Chris' face. "Im sorry" She said in a tiny voice.

"Did you..ever?" Chris asked. She shook her slightly no, twisting the knife. "It's him?" He asked again just to be sure.

"this isn't- this was never a..contest..chris. I just- this...this isn't working..this isn't what I want." She said being honest with him for the first time in their relationship. Chris bit down his anger and his jaw bones jutted out, his fists clenching at his sides. "You have-every..right..to hate me..." She went on.

"Believe me, I know." Chris said before he turned around and slammed the door in her face, she felt as though a staple had just been ripped out of her heart. An instant shot of nausiating pain, and then...nothing. She fought through her tears to pry the silver ring past her knuckle, ripping it off as fast as she could and throwing it across the room. Second time this year..she reminded herself. She picked up her cell phone and climbed the stairs, burried herslf beneath her covers before she closed her eyes and went to sleep.

* * *

"Rory?" She asked in a small voice after she had dialed familiar numbers the next morning, sniffling back her tears. 

"Mom, what's wrong?" She asked fear apparent in her voice.

"I'm sorry.." She apologized to her confused daughter. "I couldn't do it anymore..." She made out. Because they were practically the same person it dawned on Rory exactly what her mom was talking about.

"I'll be right there" Rory stated before she hung up the phone. A few hours later Rory was laying next to her mother in bed as Lorelai stared up at the ceiling recounting the day before.

"so we were just dancing, more like swaying actually, and then I just- I'm sorry this is weird." Lorelai told her daughter.

"Mom you need to talk to me. I, I just want you to be happy, whatever that means for you." Rory said.

"But it's not wierd that-" Lorelai started.

"Mom, it's okay, I promise please continue, leave nothing out" Rory instructed.

"Okay so we kinda, well I sorta, leaned in, and i we-" she stuttered.

"Mom!" Rory said impatiently

"Kissed."Lorelai stated. Rory unintentionally smiled, but quickly hid it.

"once?" Rory asked trying to avoid the details but this was a necessary question. Lorelai looked helplessly guilty. "more than once." Rory deduced.

"and then i just, I had to go, I mean what I was feeling, how could I have, i- and all these feelings just came rushing back at me from somewhere in the back of my head, and just-i didn't know what to, so I. I told him sorry and I got out of there. But then Chris was here." She went on, letting tears slide down her cheek as she did so. After a long detailed conversation Rory finally asked the question that had been bugging her for a long time now.

"So do you still love him?" Rory asked already knowing the answer but wondering if her mom would admit it.

"so much it hurts." She admitted out loud. "I mean, it's not like I broke up with Chris for him, you know, it's not like I'm just expecting Luke to forgive me for everything and carry me off into the sunset. I had to tell Christopher, I had to , and it had to end with him because it wasn't fair." Rory nodded her agreement. "I just- in that moment I knew that I shouldn't have been there, I shouldn't be kisssing him, but I- I had to. I can't explain it but it was like i needed him, I just- despite every thing I was angry at him for-" She wiped her face off "Despite how he treated me, what I did to him, I can't picture my life without him. I can't breathe without him..and it's been so hard..." She started to cry harder and Rory stroked her hair softly.

"Mom..." She said softly trying to calm her down.

"It's like every other guy in the world I have been able to get over. I just throw on my spongebob pajama pants and devour a tub of brownie batter ben & jerry's while watching sleepless in seattle and boom, I start to move on. I can't move on from him Rory, I tried, I got married! it doesn't work! He's it Rory- and I don't know what to do, I am so sick of pretending, I am so sick of acting like I'm okay!"

"Shhh" She soothed her mom. "mom you really need to talk to him."

"it's not that easy." Lorelai said.

"But what if it is?" Rory countered.

"how could he possibly trust me ever again after what I did to him?" Lorelai asked.

"Because he feels everything that you do mom! He's been there for us, forever, and can't you see how hard it must have been for him to be around you knowing that you were with christopher? that you were married to chris? But he was, he was there for you, and he was your friend. Because he needs you just like you need him" she explained. "Yes, you guys had problems, and yes you need to talk about them and work them out, but you also need eachother. So talk to hm."

"uhhh..I just need some rest."Lorelai groaned closing her eyes.

"okay, just think about what I said." Rory said kissing her mom's head.

"Okay mom." Lorelai mocked as Rory rolled her eyes playfully and shut the bedroom door behind her.

* * *

A couple of nights later Lorelai was sitting on her couch 'watching' tv once again. Christopher had left her an email about filing for a divorce. An email. Her head pounded with stress.A couple of years ago she was that girl who couldn't keep a man, and here she was once again. But this was different, now she knew the man that she wanted to keep, but she didn't know if he wanted her to want to keep him. Rory was right, she needed to talk to Luke, she needed to know what he was thinking She looked jumped off the couch and threw on her jacket, not bothering to change out of her spongebob pajama pants she had put on yesterday in her half-assed attempt to pull herself together. She quickly glanced in the mirror on her way out, oh this should be fun, she thought sarcastically mocking her own appearance. She turned and opened the front door quickly, scaring the crap out of the man standing on the other side, who had been startled from his inner debate on whether he should knock or just leave the bag of food he was currently holding outside of her front door with a note.

* * *

Hey don't get too excited it's actually just the chinese food delivery guy. Jk. Haha. that would be mean. Ok so I no it was kind of short and there was NO ll interaction but be prepared because next chapter-well im not going to give it away. So i pretty much figured that ten chapters was long enough in my mind to drag out the whole Loristopher marriage, because ew. and so i ended it. ha. ha. I like having that power, plus it really made sense, that now would be when she would have a sort of epiphany and realize that she is still crazy in love with Luke and always will be. ok so please review..thanks..also im looking for a completely amazing song line or title to be used as a chapter title, and it should probably be really amazing..like really really amazing but im not giving anything away so i don't know if you can work with that. Okay thats it really. thanks. 

responses...-

my10315-hey, thanks for all of your reviews i really appreciate them and im happy you like it so far. the song is She's Everything by Brad Paisley and I get all my stuff from itunes so i can't suggest anywhere sry. keep reading and reviewing!

Wish I was Mrs. Danes 117- thanks for the review..i definitely think you should continue I'll be seeing you..if not for me, for yourself. And remember just cuz people aren't reviewing it doesn't mean they aren't reading. That's so cool about the english class stuff! i wish i could just get an assignment thats like write a short story, everything i get is so specific i could never just work in one of my fics, i wish i could though, save me some time..anyway thanks again and don't even think about stopping ur fic! plus with ur whole only watching GG when theres ll interaction thing, next week looks like a watcher! enjoy!

Cinny72- hey, im so happy you liked last chapter, thanks for all of ur reviews, it makes me happy when people review every chapter because i know that your still reading and enjoying it when sometimes some people will like review one chapter and like stop after that and it kind of makes me go..um did i do something wrong?..because i don't know like their not reading anymore or something..um-anyway thanks for reviewing-i can't wait till next week!

and thanks to everyone else too! check out lyrics to Back 2 Good by matchbox 20, lorelai and chris's relationship anyone? ehem. another shout out to avesnovuelan for suggesting it.

pleasepleasepleaaaaseplease review! it really means alot, every one of them, thanks.

-javajunkieness-


	11. How To Save A Life

a/n...okay so you officially all have reason to kill me. just dont. okay thanks. I know its been like what..two weeks? and i don't have really a reasonable excuse but that life got in the way and i wasn't feeling particularly creative. but show some love and review this chapter. thanks a lot. I promise a much much much faster update. and i loved the last episode. Lorelai plus luke plus baby equals soooo adorable. plus the latest spoilers are killing me cuz i can't wait, they all sound so good! okay so basically i have beeen working on this chapter for a while now, and i couldn't ever really seem to make it work, and i thought you guys deserved more so i spent a lot of time thinking about how i want to continue this fic, and i think i found it. This chapter kind of sets up the next few. hope you all enjoy the LL interaction. review please it means a lot : )

ps. I'm happy u guys liked my creation of the word Loristopher. I found it rather amusing myself. Im thinking of having it copywrited. jk. well if trump can get a patent on the phrase 'your fired' who knows, right? Yeah and thats my new philosophy on life..if trump can do it...that was sarcasm aimed at my own randomness if you missed it..i think its hard to pick up on stuff like that when its in writing. okay read now.

Chapter 11: How To Save A Life

(the Fray)

"Luke" Lorelai said half in shock half in amusement with how startled he seemed when she opened the door.

"going somewhere?" he asked curiously noticing her attire.

"To see you actually" She told him truthfully. Her heart physically ached with the intesity with which she wanted to embrace the man before her and never let him go.

"Nice pants." He commented playfully. She somehow managed to look gorgeous wearing bright yellow pajama pants with spongebob's face plastered all over them. He quickly shook the thought and focused on why he was there.

"thanks. Want to come in?" She asked him quickly before stepping aside to let him enter. "ooh food?" Lorelai asked shutting the door behind him.

"Yeah... I heard" he said akwardly. She nodded her embarrased understanding. "I thought you might be hungry." Silence filled the room and Luke shifted uncomfortably. "and you know..that you could talk to me about it...if you want."

"Thanks." Lorelai said simply to him as she reached out and took the brown bag he was holding and carried it to the kitchen, he followed closely behind.

"So how are you?" Luke asked once they were both seated.

"me? um I'm okay" Lorelai said to him, because admitting that she was not would open a whole new can of words.

"You sure?" Luke asked her. Lorelai couldn't stand it anymore. She couldn't stand pretending like nothing happened, like they were just two friends with no history that hadn't seen eachother in a while. She was sick of pretending.

"No...?" Lorelai admitted out loud. Lukes face quickly filled with concern and he looked at her inquisitively. "I just-" Tears sprang to her eyes as she began to talk. "I just don't want to do this anymore." She told him, her throat closing as she spoke.

"Do what?" Luke asked.

"God..I mean I tried right? I tried to do it...I really did. I did everything i could possibly do, and yet it just doesn't work. Nothing will ever works- and I can't even pretend like it does anymore because its just killing me, i mean its killing me, and i cant- i just can't-" She rambled before luke cut her off.

"Wait, Lorelai...calm down..what are you talking about?" He asked rubbing her arm softly.

"I just can't do it...and I feel so stupid and broken that I can't even..I tried so hard..." She trailed off, looking him in his eyes.

"tried to do what?" luke asked her staring back just as intently. He looked at her hard, trying to look deeply through her eyes to see what she was feeling, thinking.

"This" She motioned between them. "I cant...move on...from this" She said slowly wiping at her eyes. Luke couldn't speak. What could he say? He swallowed back his fear.

"Lorelai..." He said her name in that smooth, comforting, adoring way that kind of just rolled off his tongue.

"I just- I have missed you so much" She cried.

"Me too." Luke assured her.

"why is it so hard?" She asked him truthfully. "Just...the other day..when we..when I..when-" She stumbled over her words, but saw that he got what she was referring to. "I have wanted that for so long...i just realized that I wasn't being fair...I had to tell him...It was like this whirlpool I was being sucked into, the longer I stayed in it the harder it was to get out...I couldn't keep pretending that I was happy..." She explained to him.

"I know." He told her comfortingly.

"And its not like I'm expecting anything..god..I'm not..but I wasn't being fair. I had to end it." Lorelai told him."It wasn't fair that I married him, and was starting this whole life with him when-"

"When what?" Luke asked interrupting her.

"when I still...When I never stopped.." Lorelai stopped and took a deep breath. "It wasn't what I wanted. Well, it was..I just never wanted it with him." She said hoping he would understand.

"oh" Was all Luke could manage.

"I...Love..you luke." She told him honestly. "I can't stop that. I've tried, trust me, I have tried. I just- I know you must..after everything...but I can't stop it. And it hurts so much..because I know that it won't happen now, that i'll never have it..any of it..because no matter how hard I try, the only one I want it with is you." Lukes face overcame with relief and he smiled slightly unable to control his words.

"I love you too." Luke said quickly.

"Even after-?" Lorelai started.

"Even after." Luke interrupted. Lorelais face lightened and she smiled embarrased as she looked downwards at her hands.

"So what now?" Lorelai asked as she took a bite of her burger.

"I don't know." Luke said. "I do know that I don't want to hurt you again. I don't want to end up like that ever again. But I love you so much... ." He assured her the importance she held in his life despite everything that had happened..

"Me too." Lorelai said.

"These last few months have been-" He started.

"Hell in a handbasket?" Lorelai offered.

"Worse. and I just don't want to do that anymore. ever." He said, she smiled shyly.

"me neither." She stated.

"So maybe we could try the whole..talking..thing."Luke suggested with a smile.

"Talkings good." She agreed.

"good." Luke said. "How's your burger?"

"perfect." Lorelai told him with a small smile.

"it is, isn't it." He said reaching for her hand. Lorelai pulled him into a tight hug, squeezing him with everything she had before she melted into his arms. She began to lightly cry for the millionth time that night, but this time it was different, it was happy.

"I was so scared." She said into his shoulder.

"me too." He admitted into her hair. She slowly released him before he crept forward and tentatively planted a soft kiss on her lips. She leaned forward and kissed him back and little harder before they both pulled away.

"I should go." Luke said quietly.

"yeah..its late.." She said lamely but still couldn't get the warm feeling in her heart to go away.

"So I'll call you tomorrow?" He asked.

"yeah, that sounds good."

"And we'll talk?"

"we'll talk."

"good" Lorelai told him. Luke turned around one more time before reaching the door.

"I know we have a lot to work on, and to talk about. I also know that you probably need some time, everything happened so recently. But- I just wanted you to know that I'm here. Im not going anywhere. 100 percent."

"thanks Luke. But I- I don't need time. Ive had time. 7 months of time. I had time up to gazoo. I don't want time. I just want you." Lorelai told him honestly.

"See ya Lorelai." Luke said smiling before he closed the door behind him.

She couldn't quite get the small smile forming on her lips off of her face. So they weren't _exactly_ dating again, they weren't exactly in _that place._ She wouldn't be spending the night wrapped in his arms, his ring on her finger, but they were starting somewhere. They were taking it slowly but at least they were taking it. There was hope after all. Hope that she could be happy, hope she could be with the man that she loved, hope she could have it, the whole package. The whole package with Luke.

* * *

"Boom! hit me with you're best shot!" Lorelai sang quietly yet enthusiastically as she made her way into the kitchen of the dragonfly. "Hit me with you're best shot...Lalala Hit me with you're best Shot! Fi-re a wayeyayy. bum bum bum-" She dramatized but cut herself off when she saw sookie staring back at her shocked. "Hi" She said happily acting like nothing strange had happened. 

"Hi" Sookie laughed. "Did you..take the wrong perscription this morning?" She asked "because that happens."

"um nope. pretty sure I didn't" Lorelai said pretending to be confused.

"So whats with the happy?" Sookie sked her friend suspiciously.

"the happy?" Lorelai laughed avoiding the subject.

"come on what happened?" sookie urged. It had been so long since she had seen Lorelai like this that she forgot this part of her friend even existed.

"i'm not sure I know what your talking about." Lorelai said still avoiding the topic but not having the ability to stop smiling. It would be way too big of a deal to sookie, and Lorelai knew they had to figure everything out for themselves before the town figured them out.

"you do too!" She accused. "The other day you were all sad and depressed" She continued, Lorelai pretended to be offended, her mouth dropping. "sorry but you were. and you're going through a divorce" Lorelai stuck out her lip, was she trying to put a downer on her mood? "and now you're all happy 'bum bum bum'" She imitated lorelai's dramatized singing from before.

"how dare you accuse me of bum bum bum'ing!" She said back in the same manner.

"you just did it. come on what's up." Sookie urged, clearly not willing to drop the subject.

"i'm not sure." Lorelai said taking the safest route.

"what does that mean?" Sookie asked seriously.

"it's kind of complicated." Lorelai told her hoping that she would stop pressing.

"it's luke, is it luke?" Sookie asked happily and excited.

"I can't really say" Lorelai said, her face immediatly blushing.

"its luke!" Sookie sing-songed.

"sookie!"

"I knew it."

"sook listen I need you not to press this. And not to tell _anyone_ what you think I think you know."

"i wont" Sookie said holding up her girl scout honor fiingers.

"not even jackson" She warned.

"i wont!" Sookie promised, her excitement bubbling through her.

"Because really there's nothing to tell." She said downplaying it.

"right '_nothing'._" sookie said emphasizing 'nothing' enough to let Lorelai know that she knew there was something to tell but would hide it.

"no really, I mean there isn't really anything. we're kind of just talking." She explained, hoping that maybe telling sookie more of the truth would prevent her from making her own assumtions and starting rumors with them.

"oh yeah, '_talking' "_ sookie emphasized in the same way.

"sookie!"

"right, no,I gotchya" Sookie said laughing.

"really sookie." she pleaded.

"really." sookie said playfully.

"okay." Lorelai finally said timidly, still not believing that sookie really _got_ her but wanting to end their conversation before it went any further. "well I should go check on the-" she didn't bother finishing her sentence before she turned and went back into the lobby, sookie couldn't help but notice a certain bounce that had returned to her step.

* * *

It was that night and Lorelai was laying in bed silently frustrated with how she had spent her day. She had wandered through her normal schedule happily, humming and swaying through her day at work awaiting the much anticipated phone call she had been promised. It never came. She turned in bed unable to go to sleep. He said he would call, right? He had said it. Maybe he changed his mind, she wondered and she felt her heart drop. That couldn't have been it, the sincerity in his voice had told her everything. Lorelai shut her eyes and was about to drift off into sleep when she was awoken by a loud buzzing on the table next to her bed. She was immediately nervous and she felt her throat constrict as she reached for her phone. Luke. 

"Hello" Lorelai answered cautiously, not letting any of her emotion be shown.

"Hi." Luke answered.

"..."

"I couldn't sleep" He said tiredly but profoundly.

"You didn't call" She stated.

"I'm sorry." He said simply, not wanting to explain. "I wanted to, I just-"

"yeah." She said finding comfort in his voice. She layed back down in bed, her eyes shutting as she hit the pillow.

"So how are you?" He asked her.

"i'm good now" Lorelai said telling the truth.

"Good. Me too." Luke said.

"So I have a question." Lorelai asked him sincerely with a bit of a playful tone.

"Hit me." He said. Lorelai inwardly laughed remembering the song that was stuck in her head for most of the day.

"How is this gonna work?"

"You tell me." Luke answered her.

"I wanna get back to a place where I know you can trust me, that might take a while but-"

"I trust you" Luke cut her off.

"But how can you after I-"

"I trust you" He said.

"Okay" She said smiling, thinking that she was falling in love with him all over again. She liked this agressive, openly loving side of him and she forced herself to stop smiling so she could move on. "I also think that we need to talk. About everything that happened. So it doesn't happen again."

"Okay" He stated simply agreeing with her.

"And maybe after we understand what happened, we can fix it."

"well we're talking now" Luke said.

"I miss you Luke." She admitted. "so much."

"Me too."

"Yeah?"

"oh yeah."

"I'm tired." She yawned into the phone.

"Sorry I called you so late." Luke apologized. If he had called earlier they would have had a chance to talk.

"Thanks for calling though" She said.

"So uh, maybe we could talk about everything. For real. Tomorrow?" He asked her.She smiled.

"over lunch?" She asked him.

"sure." He answered. "Hey lorelai, I don't know if this messes with our whole, take it slow, thing..but...I love you" He finished quickly. She smiled again, wider this time.

"I Love you too Luke." She said sweetly. " 'night"

" 'night Lorelai." He said. She went to shut her phone but stopped when she heard quiet breathing on the other end.

"luke?" Lorelai whispered curiously after a few seconds, not wanting to sound crazy though if he wasn't there.

"yeah?" Luke whispered back.

"you still there?"

"mhmm" he mumbled.

"okay." She said quietly, and she closed her eyes and went to sleep to the sound of him breathing. They both slept better that night than either of them had in a little over a year.

* * *

a/n- okay thats it, review please: ) 

oh and if you guys are missing some characters (wanna know what's going on with chris or anything), I can work that in, i just am happy i got rid of him so i tend to stop writing about that stuff not wanting to drag it out really but if you think its unrealistic that all of a sudden its like no chris, ill work on it and mix it in. just let me know.

-javajunkieness-


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